mises, he ordains it a blessing, and we find it so in enjoyment; but outward providential blessings, fall as plentifully on the barren rock, as in the teeming valley,-they are the privilege alike of the evil and the good?

Demas. This certainly seems to put temporal things in a new light; but how may I know that my substance comes from the God of grace, and in the way of ordinances?

Philemon.-You may perhaps know how it came to you, or how you came by it. Did you obtain it by questionable means, by worldly shifts and subterfuges? or did it come to you when you were in the plain path of duty, following on to know the Lord, doing the will of God, living in a prayerful spirit, and maintaining a good con

science?

Demas.-These are difficult questions to answer, and few can solve them always satisfactorily.

Philemon.-And yet let me assure you, herein lies the grand distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between the trickery of the world and the good and gracious gifts of God; a man of faith and prayer may derive little profit comparatively in outward things, but he has great riches in respect of heavenly things, and therefore, he is the alone rich man who has Christ, though he may have nothing in the world besides; but let a man be rich as "Croesus," and yet if he is a stranger to Christ, and to the riches of his grace, he is a poor beggar notwithstanding.

SECTION LIII.

THE CONCLUDING SCENE OF PHILEMON.

The varied steps of Divine Providence are in no man's power to direct. God knows, but we know not, what is best for ourselves. Little indeed did I think, when the grace of God began with me, that the Lord in after life intended for me so much mercy. Oh! what a contrast between my feelings then, and the sweet sense of pardoning grace and love I enjoy now! No one can tell what I passed through, when first I felt the hand of the Lord strong upon me in convictions, and the power of corruption working equally strong in me at the same time.

Many obstacles stood in the way of my heart's conversion to God. Something seemed to say to me again and again, (for I could never bear the idea of hypocrisy) what is the use of repenting? Will you never fall into the same sin of which you repent afterwards? and then, what will become of your sincerity? Will not all your pretended piety amount to mere mockery in the sight of God? The inward struggle that ensued upon these misgivings, cost me not a little; indeed, it was well nigh insupportable How much have I to thank God, that the sorrow I then felt was a godly sorrow, or a sorrowing towards God, and not the sorrow of the world, that worketh death; the former never wears out the frame, or

wastes the spirits, or destroys the energies of life, or suffers the soul to pine away in sickness; the latter breaks the natural spirits, destroys hope, undermines health, unfits for present duty, and often ends in despair!

A little subsequent to this period of my spiritual history, I was at times enlarged in prayer, but far more often straitened and shut up in that holy exercise: sometimes, also, I had longings after better things; but more often I had none whatever. The Bible was still, as a whole, a sealed book, and my spirit very frequently carnal and dead; yet I cannot think how it was at this distance of time, that I did not go to the Saviour at once, who is the supply of all our wants, and infinitely more than we need. And greatly do I wonder that I did not search the Scriptures for myself, and in that way find him, especially as he has been the theme of discourse ever since the world began. Adam heard of him; (Gen. iii. 15.) Noah prophesied of him; (Heb. xi. 17.) Abraham rejoiced in him; (John viii. 56.) Moses wrote of him; (John v. 46.) and David foretold him; (Ps. xvi. 10.) and most of the prophets likewise; indeed, some of them are so full of Christ, that it is difficult to say whether they may be styled, with more propriety, Evangelical Prophets, or the prophetical Evangelists.

This part of my experience, however, was, by God's blessing, made very profitable to my own soul, and to many, I trust, besides. Often have I urged it on others (whom I afterwards met in similar circumstances) not to stop short, or for one moment to deem it enough to feel sensibly

and keenly our spiritual wants. Many a person feels truly his spiritual necessities, and yet he has too much pride to stoop down at the footstool of mercy and ask for the supply of them: and how many had rather starve, and perish in sin, than seek Christ, or make their wants known. But it is very blessed, when the mind is not only filled with a deep and lively sense of its wants, but has a gracious and suitable frame also imparted to sue immediately for the relief of them.

Another source of discomfort to which I was subject about this time was, if my memory serves me aright, the mistaken view I entertained of spiritual life; little did I think my first impressions of sin were to be my last impressions; and that though the curse was taken away, still the evil, and burden, and sense of indwelling sin, would last so long as life itself lasts; why not cease from the very sense of evil? Why not drop the very being of it? why not reach perfection at once? Thoughts of this nature crossed my mind often, and troubled me much; and such a summary method of dealing with sin had been pleasing to my feelings: but I now see it had neither so much promoted my happiness, nor the glory of my Saviour; God leaves the seeds of every corruption within us, and the being of every evil likewise; and this is for the exercise of our graces, and to make and keep us humble, and to show also the power of his grace in our weakness, and how it can rule in the midst of his enemies. Without such a continual memento of indwelling sin, who had ever fully understood its malignant nature? who had ever fully experienced Christ's

healing virtue? the efficacy of his grace? the energy of his Spirit? or the depth and malignity of his own inbred corruptions? Had the Lord perfected me the day after he had converted me, would all boasting have been excluded? had salvation appeared of free grace?

The outward and visible church of God also, as established in these realms, now became no small cause of secret disquietude to me; almost every body had their eyes open to its faults, and to admit its defects; prejudices, I believe, blinded some to its excellencies, interested motives others, and an utter indifference most; while the few really godly were weeping over these things in secret, and this was all the relief they had against them; but it has pleased God since to convince me, that all my fears on this head originated in my ignorance of the real character of a true church on earth; her militant condition must never be lost sight of; and does not this idea of her state presuppose, that like the ark of Noah, she must be tossed to and fro, yet, blessed be God, she is destined to outride the mightiest swellings of the tempest? Her professedly Christian sons and daughters also, in many instances, excited my surprise, no less than my sorrow; they were not what they appeared to be; a free and unrestrained intercourse with them to do them good, had well nigh proved the shipwreck of my own soul. Oh! nothing is more dangerous than consorting much with the enemies of God; even when it is lawful in itself, how seldom is it expedient! What conceivable good can we derive from society, whose views of sin, and a Saviour, are