As sair owre hip as ye can draw 't!
Tho' I should rue it.
"Or gin ye like to end the bother,
To please us a', I've just ae ither,
When next wi' yon lass I forgather,
Whate'er betide it,
I'll frankly gie her 't ' thegither,
An' let her guide it!"
But, Sir, this pleased them warst ava,
And, therefore, Tam, when that I saw,
I said, "Gude night," and cam awa',
An' left the Session;
I saw they were resolvéd a'
On my oppression.
In answer to a mandate by Mr. Aikin, Surveyor of the Taxes.
SIR, as your mandate did request,
I send you here a faithfu' list
O' gudes an' gear, an' a' my graith,1
To which I'm clear to gie my aith."
Imprimis then, for carriage cattle,
I have four brutes o' gallant mettle,
As ever drew afore a pettle.3
My han'-afore, a guide auld has been,
An' wight an' wilfu' a' his days been.
My han'-ahin''s a weel gaun fillie,
That aft has borne me hame frae Killie,'
An' your auld burro', monie a time,
In days when riding was nae crime.
But ance when in my wooing pride,
I, like a blockhead boost to ride,
The wilfu' creature sae I pat9 to,
(L-d pardon a' my sins and that too!)
I play'd my fillie sic a shavie,1o
1 Tackle.-2 Oath.-3 A plough-staff.-4 The fore-horse on the left hand in the plough.-5 The hindmost horse on the same side.- Going.—7 Kilmarnock.-8 Must needs.-9 Put.—10 Trick, frolic.
She's a' be-devil'd wi' the spavie.1
My fur-ahin 's2 a wordy3 beast,
As e'er in tug or tow was traced.
The fourth's a Highland Donald hastie,
A damn'd red-wud Kilburnie blastie ;*
Forbye" a cowte o' cowtes the wale,'
As ever ran afore a tail.
An' he be spared to be a beast,
He'll draw me fifteen pun" at least.
Wheel-carriages I hae but few,
Three carts, an' twa are feckly11 new ;
Ae auld wheel-barrow, mair for token,
Ae leg and baith the trams are broken;
I made a poker o' the spin'le,
And my auld mither brunt the trin'le.13
For men, I've three mischievous boys,
Run1 deils for rantin' an' for noise;
A gaudsman15 ane, a thrasher t' other;
Wee Davock hauds the nowte in fother.16
I rule them as I ought, discreetly,
And aften labor them completely;
An' ay on Sundays duly nightly,
I on the Questions tairge" them tightly,
Till, faith, wee Davock's turn'd sae gleg,1
Tho' scarcely langer than your leg,
He'll screed19 you aff Effectual Calling,
As fast as onie in the dwalling.
I've nane in female servan' station,
(Lord keep me ay frae a' temptation!)
I hae nae wife-and that my bliss is,
An' ye have laid nae tax on misses;
An' then if Kirk folks dinna clutch me,
I ken the devils daur na touch me.
Wi' weans20 I'm mair than weel contented,
Heaven sent me ane mae21 than I wanted.
1 Spavin.-2 The hindmost horse on the right hand in the plough.3 Worthy.-4 Rope. 5 Stark mad.-6 A term of contempt.-7 Besides.8 A colt.-9 Choice.-10 Pounds.—11 Partly, nearly.-12 Handles.—13 Burnt the wheel.-14 Right down.-15 The boy who drives the horses in the plough. 16 Little David fothers the black cattle.-17 Examine.-18 Sharp, ready.19 To repeat any thing fluently.-20 Children.-21 One more.
My sonsie,1 smirking, dear-bought Bess,
She stares the daddy in her face,
Enough of åught ye like but grace;
But her my bonnie, sweet wee lady,
I've paid enough for her already,
An' gin' ye tax her or her mither,
B' the Lord! ye 'se get them a' thegither.
And now remember, Mr. Aikin,
Nae kind of license out I'm takin';
Frae this time forth, I do declare,
I'se ne'er ride horse nor hizzie3 mair;
Thro' dirt and dub for life I'll paidle,
Ere I sae dear pay for a saddle;
My travel, a' on foot I'll shank it,
I've sturdy bearers, Gude be thankit.
The Kirk an' you may tak you that,
It puts but little in your pat;"
Sae dinna put me in your buke
Nor for my ten white shillings luke.
This list, wi' my ain hand I wrote it,
Day and date as under notit,
Then know all ye whom it concerns,
Subscripsi huic
MOSSGIEL, Feb. 22, 1786.
TO J-S T-T, GL-NC-R.
AULD Comrade dear and brither sinner,
How's a' the folk about Gl-nc-r?
How do you this blae eastlin' wind,
That's like to blaw a body blind!
For me my faculties are frozen,
My dearest member nearly dozen'd.5
I've sent you here, by Johnie Simson,
Twa sage philosophers to glimpse on;
Smith, wi' his sympathetic feeling,
An' Reid, to common sense appealing.
1 Having a sweet engaging countenance.-2 If.—3 Filly, or mare.-1 Pot. -5 Impotent.
Philosophers have fought and wrangled,
An' meikle' Greek an' Latin mangled,
Till wi' their logic jargon tired,
An' in the depth of science mired,
To common sense they now appeal,
What wives and wabsters2 see an' feel.
But hark ye, friend, I charge you strictly
Peruse them an' return them quickly;
For now I'm grown sae curséd douce,3
I pray an' ponder butt1 the house;
My shins, my lane, I there sit roasting,
Perusing Bunyan, Brown, and Boston;
Till by an' by, if I haud on,
I'll grunt a real gospel groan:
Already I begin to try it,
To cast my een up like a pyet,"
When, by the gun, she tumbles o'er,
Fluttering an' gasping in her gore:
Sae shortly you shall see me bright,
A burning an' a shining light.
My heart-warm love to guid auld Glen,
The ace an' wales of honest men;
When bending down with auld gray hairs,
Beneath the load of years and cares,
May He who made him still support him,
An' views beyond the grave comfort him:
His worthy family far and near,
God bless them a' wi' grace and gear.9
My auld school-fellow, preacher Willie,
The manly tar, my mason Billie,
An' Auchenbay, I wish him joy;
If he's a parent, lass or boy,
May he be dad, and Meg the mither,
Just five-an'-forty years thegither!
An' no forgetting wabster Charlie,
I'm tauld he offers very fairly.
And Lord remember singing Sannock,
Wi' hale breeks, saxpence, an' a bannock.
An' next my auld acquaintance Nancy,
Since she is fitted to her fancy;
1 Much.-2 Weavers.-3 Sober.-4 The country kitchen.-5 Myself alone. — Hold.—7 Magpie.-8 Choice.- Riches.
An' her kind stars hae airted1 till her
A guid chiel' wi' a pickle siller.3
My kindest, best respects I sen' it,
To cousin Kate and sister Janet;
Tell them frae me, wi' chiels be cautious,
For, faith, they 'll aiblins* find them fashious;"
To grant a heart is fairly civil,
But to grant a maidenhead's the devil!
An' lastly, Jamie, for yoursel,
May guardian angels tak a spell,
An' steer you seven miles south o' hell:
But first, before you see heaven's glory,
May ye get monie a merry story,
Monie a laugh, and monie a drink,
An' ay eneugh o' needfu' clink.
Now fare you weel, an' joy be wi' you:
For my sake this I beg it o' you,
Assist poor Simson a' ye can,
Ye'll find him just an honest man;
Sae I conclude and quit my chanter,
Yours, saint or sinner,
Who had sent him a newspaper, and offered to continue it free of expense.
KIND Sir, I've read your paper through,
And faith, to me, 'twas really new!
How guess'd ye, Sir, what maist I wanted?
This monie a day I've grain'dR and gaunted,
To ken what French mischief was brewin';
Or what the drumlie' Dutch were doin':
That vile doup-skelper, Emperor Joseph,
If Venus yet had got his nose off;
Or how the collieshangie" works
Atween the Russians and the Turks;
1 Moved to her; an allusion to the wind shifting to a particular qu
2 Good fellow.-3 A quantity of silver.-4 Perhaps.-5 Troubles • Groaned.—7 Muddy. -8 One who strikes the tail. - Quarrelling.
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