Itual is to fools and dunces, As to a camel his back's bunch is. By Impudence-found every where. This doggrel, then, since it does need, By man or beast, at eve or morn, Requiring neither sense nor knowledge, Nor virtue, genius, wit, or manners, To any one of mortal birth; But is, as I have said before, Can be prepared with much more speed, For first, the threads they must be spun, Who would themselves so much abandon, With none to help me, except my- 1 Long as boobies are so plenty, And they're a stock will ne'er grow scanty; Of doggrel;—and some more to boot. My second thought shall be exposed; Or before the clothed body; And dowlass makes the stomach not They both will make a grievous pother; And so continue all their life. So dowlass, then, is very good, Or else my head is made of wood. But doggrel is of no more service As lambs and lions are no mates. The man, who makes himself inditer Who merits nought but stripes and blows, In pillory; or when well bang'd, So that I now conclude my letter, A wonderful, notorious elf; At whom men, women, girls, and boys, } And loudly shout,-here comes George Gander, But, in truth- a VERY GANDER. P. S. Before I conclude, I wish, Gentlemen, to ask you one question; namely, why the Salmagundi bears so hard upon the body of my friend Diggory Doggrel, which they attack, and ridicule without measure, and without mercy? I am, once more, Gentlemen, Your very well wisher and friend In answer to this very grave question of Mr. Gander we offer it, merely, as our opinion, that the reason why the witty and ingenious authors of Salmagundi have so strenuously waged war upon their antagonist's person, is probably, because they always wish to engage a visible opponent. Now, it cannot be denied, that our great poet's body is certainly much more visible than his mind, which last, to say truth, is not perceptible, even to the most acute and vigilant inspector, so forlorn are its dimensions. Wherefore, as we conclude, the Salmagundi attacked the only thing, appertaining to Diggory Doggrel, A. S. S. which presented a front, or, if you like it better, a rear for an attack. If this be so;-and we confess that we, at present, can perceive no fallacy in our mode of reasoning ;-perhaps, Mr. Diggory Doggrel may find it consistent with the wisdom and ingenuity, which marks all his movements, and all his conduct, to endeavour to make the authors of Salmagundi literally feel his weight by using his fist, or a bludgeon,-(two very convincing arguments, and as much in vogue among gentlemen and scholars as they are abhorrent from the principles and practice of a ruffian and an assassin)—in order to persuade them, that he is a man of talents, and of learning, and not an ignorant booby, as they, now, seem most firmly to believe. There can be no doubt, that it would be much easier for many men to beat and murder themselves into a reputation for sense and knowledge, than to accomplish the same purpose, by any efforts of their brains, in the way of literary composition, whether in bald, and barren prose, or low, vulgar, contemptible doggrel, which by a most flagrant mis-nomer, has been called poetry. Before we take leave of Mr. Gander, we beg leave to bring him acquainted with an effusion of poetical genius, at least, equal, in rythm, rhyme, sense, interest, taste, spirit, and learning, to any of the intellectual productions of his friend and brother Diggory Doggrel, ASS. or the, no less, redoubted and redoubtable poet, Mr. Searson. When the news of General Wolfe's victory and death reached Britain, a country school-master, in the vicinity of London, wrote the following pathetic poem. "Great General Wolfe, without any fears, And what is most miraculous, and particular, On a different subject, a late master of St. Paul's School, in London, wrote some verses, which we should, indeed, be sorry to put on the same level with any producton of the Eulogist on Wolfe, of Mr. Searson, or of Mr. Diggory Doggrel; because there is an appearance of wit in them, from all semblance of which every composition of Messrs. Doggrel, Searson, and Co. is entirely free. The subject of the following lines was that of Judith slaying Holofernes. "When Judith had put Holofernes to bed, She drew out his falchion, and cut off his head. One word more, at parting, to our worthy friend Gander, who will be so obliging as to inform his brother Diggory Doggrel of the necessity of following our good advice. We request, that all whom it might concern, and more especially, Mess'rs Gander and Doggrel, will each of them, pay particular attention to the following lines, by one Pope, on a certain female. Mutatis Mutandis, the advice of Mr. Pope will fit either or both of you, renowned poets; for instance, substitute the words he for she, his for her, and instead of smock, read shirt, and George Gander, or Diggory Doggrel will be each of them, as well counselled, as was the Lady Mary Wortly Montagu. "At genius, wit, and sense she—(he)—rails, And reads Descartes, Malbranche and Locke, I wish that she-(he)-would pare her-(his)-nails, Or, suppose we alter it a little for the benefit of our Columbian poets!-thus ; 1 At sense and decency he rails, And wallows deep in filth and dirt, 2 Decline the trade of taste and wit, For which he never was design'd; Some labour of the body,-not the mind. EDITORS. |