distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests to my husband he is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspicion : but I am glad the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery. Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon. Mrs. Ford. I am undone!--the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why, then you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you? Away with him, away with him, better shame than murder. Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? how should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: May not go out, ere he come? Mrs. Page. Alas, three of master Ford's brothers watch the door with pistols,1 that none shall issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here? Fal. What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney. Mrs. Ford. There they always used to discharge their birding-pieces: Creep into the kiln-hole. Fal. Where is it? Mrs. Ford. He will seek there, on my word. Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, 1 This is one of Shakspeare's anachronisms: he has also introduced pistols in Pericles, in the reign of Antiochus, two hundred years before Christ. 2 i. e. a list, an inventory, or short note of. and goes to them by his note: There is no hiding you in the house. Fal. I'll go out, then. Mrs. Page. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir John. Unless you go out disguised,Mrs. Ford. How might we disguise him? Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for him; otherwise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape. Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extremity, rather than a mischief. Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above. Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he is; and there's her thrumed hat,1 and her muffler too: Run up, Sir John. Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet Sir John: mistress Page and I will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight: put on the gown the while. [Exit FALSTAFF. Mrs. Ford. I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears she's a witch; forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her. Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards! Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming? Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence. Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time. Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him like the witch of Brentford.2 1 A hat composed of the weaver's tufts or thrums, or of very coarse cloth. A muffler was a part of female attire which only covered the lower part of the face. 2 This old witch Jyl or Gillian of Brentford seems to have been a character well known in popular story at the time. Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men, what thev shall do with the basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight. [Exit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, 'Tis old but true, Still swine eat all the draff. Re-enter MRS. FORD, with two Servants. [Exit. Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders; your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it down, obey him; quickly, despatch. 1 Serv. Come, come, take it up. [Exit. 2. Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again. 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead. Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS. Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?-Set down the basket, villain :- Somebody call my wife :- -You, youth in a basket, come out here! -O, you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging,1 a pack, a conspiracy against me: Now, shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching. Page. Why, this passes! Master Ford, you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned. Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog! Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; indeed. Re-enter MRS. FORD. Ford. So say I too, sir. Come hither, mistress Ford; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest 1 Gang. 2 Surpasses, or goes beyond all bounds. |