in my conduct of late, never more formal in devotion, never more indisposed not only to secret, but to family and public worship. The Bible has been to me as a sealed book. I have seen no beauty, I have felt no energy in it; and all the respect I have paid to it has been a form rather than a reality. I have been under great temptation to doubt the truth of Christianity itself, and even the first foundations of moral good and evil, and the divine government. My passions have been exorbitant; and I have ventured to live as idly and unprofitably as would consist with any tolerable care of the congregation and of my pupils. Nor can I yet say, that I find any impression of ingenuous sorrow. The Spirit of God seems to have deserted me, and to have left me under blindness and hard

I know I have acted a very unworthy part. I condemn myself for it. I resolve against it. But these are operations of the understanding rather than of the heart; and with regard to any lively, sensible impression of Divine things, I am like a block or a stone. Lord, I am weary of such a frame. O that my heart were enlarged! O that it were melted under a sense of sin! O that it were drawn out in desires after thee! I resolve, by divine grace, to spend this vacation well. But, alas! I suspect the force of this resolution. I much fear that I shall trifle it away. However, I have been laying a scheme for business. I began with rising at five this morning, and if I can go on to do so every morning, it will be a considerable step gained. Reading the Scriptures I resolve to attend to: and I will seek the assistance of the Divine Spirit in the exertion of my own industry. I will particularly attend to self-examination, and be careful in keeping my memorandums, and setting things in order. O God, assist me in these resolutions, and make them effectual to answer these ends, and to be a means of keeping myself closer to thee.

Monday, June 1, 1730.

MEDITATIONS ON THE THIRD SACRAMENT, THAT IS THAT OF JUNE THE 7TH, 1730.

I KNOW not that I have spent a Sabbath at Northampton in public duties with less pleasure to myself. Yet I hope it was not entirely useless to those that attended with me. I preached two sermons on the Sufferings of Christ, answerable to the occasion of the day: but, alas! my heart was little affected with them. I spoke of Christ's dying love; but I felt no more of it at my heart, than if I had known it was all a well contrived tale, except one tear or two of humanity that I shed when speaking of Peter's ingratitude, and of the goodness of Christ to the dying thief. At the Lord's supper I discoursed on the fountain opened for sin and uncleanness. I confessed my sins largely before God, and mentioned some circumstances of aggravation, but felt little melting of soul upon account of them. I believe it was in a great measure owing to a neglect of a due preparation and I must indeed observe, that it was a just token of the displeasure of God against those sins which I have lately committed. I have no reason to wonder that the blessed Spirit deserts me, and has deserted me for so long a time, but much more if he ever returns. Two or three observations I made at the Lord's table which were something affecting to me. The one was, that the greatness of the salvation was so far from making it incredible, that it was the more credible upon that very account, since it is not to be thought that Christ would have died on any light occasion. Another on those words, I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord. take it as the cup of salvation. I bless thee for it. I plead it with thee, and entreat that thou wilt make it a cup of salvation to me. It might have been a cup of trembling. I likewise addressed myself, with some life and spirit, to the spectators. Are there any of you that are unconcerned?

Lord, I

If there be any that believe not the truth of Christianity, he has nothing to do at this table. If there be any that dare deliberately reject this atonement, he has nothing to do here: but every one that believes Christ able and willing to save, if he is desirous of being saved by him, he will be as welcome as any soul here. I heartily wish that I may remember the engagements of this day much better than those of the last month, otherwise I am confidently sure that I had better have been any where else than at the table of the Lord.

A SCHEME OF BUSINESS FOR THE ENSUING HALF

YEAR.

I HAVE been projecting my scheme as accurately as I conveniently could, but I fear I shall find myself mistaken, as I did the last half year, in which I failed of a very considerable part of what I intended to do; though, by the goodness of God, I was enabled to go through a good deal of it.

I. That for my business as a Tutor I shall be principally employed on the following articles. Monday and Wednesday mornings I shall lecture on geometry, algebra, and trigonometry. Tuesday and Friday, on logic. Saturday, short hand and civil history. Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday evenings, French. Tuesday and Friday, Hebrew, and a little of the classics every night: so that of geometry, algebra, and trigonometry we shall have about forty-two lectures, of logic forty-two, of French sixty-three, of Hebrew forty-two, of civil history twenty-one, and of the classics eighty-four, in all about one hundred and sixty-eight.

For geometry, I hope, with the upper class to go through all Euclid, and with all but the last book with the second. To end algebra with both. For trigonometry, I propose to use either Keil or Eamer, I cannot certainly tell which. For logic, to go over Mr. Jennings's Logic, with some con

siderable improvements, and some additional lectures, in particular about syllogisms.

For French, I believe we shall only get through the grammar, for we shall have an opportunity of reading but little of Telemachus. I shall be glad if the Dialogues are well understood.

As to Hebrew, I propose their learning all the rest of their vocabulary, and much of the ***, besides the sentences at the end of Robertson, as perfect as possible.

For civil history, we will go over Tallints's Tables. But it will be, at present, a very imperfect survey.

I cannot exactly determine which of the classics I shall begin with, but I think to read some select passages of Horace, a little of Juvenal, Virgil's Account of Eneas, and some other entertaining episodes; especially the Death of Dido; Terence's Adelphi, and perhaps some of Pliny's Epistles. And for the Greek, one oration of Isocrates, and perhaps a little of Homer and Anacreon. I have a little question whether we shall read Tully's Discourses of Old Age, or Friendship.

The exercises will still be principally translations out of English into Latin, and perhaps composing some orations and translations from Hebrew into Greek, with criticisms upon translations of the classics.

With Jennings, I propose to read Cornelius Nepos, and part of Cæsar's Commentaries, and to keep him every day to the business of translating English into Latin till he has finished Clarke's Exemplis; and then Latin into English, and Wilmot's Particles. I shall give all my pupils devotional lectures, on the improvement of time and some other moral subjects.

II. As a Pastor, I propose first a general visitation. To inquire particularly after servants, young people, children, and those under serious impressions, that I may improve my catalogue of catechumens and intended communicants. I also intend to catechise about once in a fortnight in the

vestry, and besides occasional sermons, to enter upon two courses, one on the knowledge of Christ, the other the scheme of Christianity.

In my private studies I fear I shall not be able to dispatch all the business I intend. However, if I have time, I propose to read something more in the classics than I have yet done, or shall do with my pupils; and shall attempt, if possible, to read at least two tragedies of Sophocles, and the three first books of Zenophon; and for Latin, perhaps Lucan's Pharsalia, with the rest of Plato and Dionysius.

For practical divinity, besides Beza and Cradock, I propose to read over Baxter to page 328, that is, his Discourse on Union among Protestants; Man created in a Holy but Mutable State; Love of God; Enemies and Reconciliation; and his Reformation and Thanksgiving Sermons; Tillotson to page 608; Bates's Funeral Sermon for Queen Mary; and Baxter's Death, Judgment, and Repentance; Life of Faith, and Faith in Death.

For Miscellanies, Prideaux's Connection, and Rapin's Dissertations, Burnet's Archæologia, May's Travels, Hoadly's Tracts, and Translation of Zenophon's Life of Cyrus, and some other society books. In order to finish my logical lectures with greater advantage, I intend to end Locke's Essay, to read Malbranche's Inquiry after Truth, and if I can Oldfield's Improvement of Human Reason; and Longius. And I intend that these books should be some of my first employment.

June 26, 1730, Friday.

BEFORE MY FOURTH SACRAMENT, JULY 5, 1730. As I am preparing for the table of the Lord, and my intended journey, I would seriously think of my business with God in regard to each. I come to the sacred table humbly to receive a renewed pardon for my renewed and aggravated transgressions. I come to seal those sacred engage