Page images
PDF
EPUB

accomplishment in a lady, and Cowper, Milton, and Cicero, better authors to improve a female mind, than Tom Jones, Roderick Random, or the Mysteries of Udolpho.

I believe also, contrary to the belief of most of my gay neighbors, that there is more good instruction to be obtained at church, than in a play house; and that, in point of morals, and the improvement of religious affections, more is to be gained by attending divine service, than seeing the representation of any dramatic performance whatever; all the fine arguments which have been adduced to the contrary notwithstanding.

I have even been so bold as to asssert, that gaming, intemperance, and profanity, are not, strictly speaking, gentlemanly vices; but are often found among the low and vulgar; and therefore, every man who aspires to character and polite life, should be ashamed of them; and although I once received a challenge for incautiously letting slip such a sentiment, and came near having a pistol argument for my temerity, yet I never should approve of these vices, even in a man who had fought twenty duels to defend them.

These are a few of what, when I am disposed to be humorous, I call my moral eccentricities. I have also some physical ones, for I always eat when I am hungry, and drink if I thirst, and never look at the town clock to know if I have an appetite, nor wait for the bells to ring to judge whether it is a proper time to break my fasts.

I have moreover some strange notions respecting the natural world, believing it full as rational that God should have created all worlds by the word of his power, as to account for their existence by supposing that they sprung spontaneously from matter, (before matter was created,) or were exploded, one after another, by volcanick eruptions.* That our Great Pacific Ocean was formed by the moon's having been shot out of this watery bed, appears to me

*See Darwin and others.

about as rational, as that the melting of the polar ice causes that wonderful phenomenon, the regular ebb and flowing of the tides, and I ingenuously confess that I do not believe a word of either.

If the public will bear with these oddities, and my readers encourage me to write, by even making themselves merry with my old fashion, and singular opinions, I shall continue to amuse or lecture, flatter or reproach them, as my several humors may happen to predominate.

No. III....SATURDAY, MAY 28, 1814.

As I am a man of leisure myself, and find a great many of my acquaintance and townsmen who appear to have equally nothing to do, I commonly join these my fellow laborers, and whether they lounge about the Exchange floor, or reel round the principal corners in Cornhill, am seen with them in these their usual places of employ. When the general court is in session, we have more business in hand, and very industriously crowd the lobbies, that we may bear testimony to the spirit and eloquence of this representative body. Thus it may be said we have promoted laziness to a science, and, by a sort of community of interests, a mutual support of each other's burdens, and that countenance and confidence which number gives to each individual, we have nearly cleared ourselves of that disgrace which, in notable times, used to attach to habits of idleness. But here I wish it to be distinctly understood, that although I join in the daily employment of this fraternity of gentlemen, I solemnly protest that I am never with them when they assemble round the gaming table at night. This, they say, is one of my oddities, and so it passes off; and I am received amongst them in the morning, with as much good

humor, as though I had wasted the whole night in winning their money.

The life of a lounger, whatever may be the opinion of the public regarding it, is very full of incidents; and there is no set of men who have so little time to spare as those who have nothing to do. The morning is spent, that part of it at least which is not consumed in bed, with an equal and judicious distribution of the busy moments, to sipping your coffee, poring over the daily papers, and variously puffing, twisting and manœuvring a cigar. And in each of these operations, however ordinary and harmless to common men, the lounger finds a deep interest and cause of excitement. The coffee is too hot or too cold, badly roasted or badly fried. The papers are barren, dull and insipid-no battle has been fought, no murders committed, no mail robberies; not a stage has been overturned, no steam boat burst, nor powder mill exploded; there is absolutely no broken limbs, no scalded passengers, nor mangled carcases to afford amusing conversation for the whole day. To one who has not the stir of business to occupy his mind, here is negative cause sufficient to work it up to tragedy. The street is the next scene; we run up as far as the Old South, and down to the Exchange, and in such an eventful tour we have as many adventures to record as some who have made the tour of Europe. We have seen Buonaparte in a picture shop, and although not introduced to him as Marchands Americain, yet can converse as fluently upon his books, air and costume, as though we had actually been presented at his levee. But our principal business is to see and make our remarks upon whatever is passing. The peaceable citizens of the town, male and female, are thus by a sort of arbitrary mandamus, or billet de cachet, arrested, and have to pass the ordeal of our scrutiny without the privilege, allowed in all free communities, of speaking in their own defence. As may be expected from such arbitrary proceedings, and on exparte evidence, the innocent sometimes suffer with the guilty. We have pronounced a

man to be worth an hundred thousand, who in less than a week proved himself innocent of the charge by closing his doors and paying only twenty cents upon a dollar. Whilst another, set down by us as worth nothing, very soon made it appear that he had enough to set up his carriage and pair in despite of our opinions. This manner of passing our time is certainly very amusing to us, but whether it affords any pleasure to the active part of the community, is another question: it is very pleasant to see what is passing in the streets, and to make our remarks on the character, dress, or gait of the passengers; but it may not be equally agreeable to a stranger who visits the town, or to ladies who daily frequent the shops on their necessary concerns, to support the steady stare of an idle group, who are always at their posts. It is true, that, amongst our fraternity, it is the general opinion, that, with respect · to the ladies, there is many a pretty female who flaunts along these frequented walks, on purpose "to be seen of men." I declare, however, that I never gave any heed to the scandal, but on the contrary, have used many good arguments to prove the accusation false; and have often plead the propriety of retiring from these haunts, and to sacrifice the pleasure we enjoy, rather than give pain to others. But I am sorry to say, that instead of convincing these gentlemen that they are wrong, I only convince them that I am an odd fellow, and have strange notions. I am, however, determined to withdraw from these lounging resorts myself, and hereby promise, if the ladies will read my papers, I will stare at them no more.

No. IV....SATURDAY, JUNE 4, 1814.

It is very common for people of one class in society to make themselves merry with the fashions of

another: thus the present race of beaux, with their round toed shoes and cropped hair, are extremely witty upon any gentleman, who appears before them in the costume of their grandfathers; and who, obstinately attached to the customs of his jovial years, ventures abroad with pointed shoes, and a bag wig, or a long queue to his hair.

Female fashions, either from being more important, or more prolific of objects, have been considered fair game ever since the time of Addison and Steele, and the success with which these celebrated essayists attacked the fashionable follies of their day, has induced almost every periodical_writer, since, to sport in the same field. Although I am a strict observer of the female world, and the first to take notice of the most trifling alteration in their dress or ornaments, yet I never view these occasional changes as matters of mere caprice or evanescent fancy, but rather as connected by cause or effect, with other great events, which are often taking place in the natural or political world. Perhaps some persons may be disposed to laugh at this idea, and consider it as another of my oddities, yet I have the happiness to say, that I am not entirely alone in this opinion. I have an old and valuable friend, whom I shall call Dr. Reverie, to whom I am indebted for this original thought, and who carries it to greater perfection, and refines upon it with much more ingenuity of reasoning and acuteness of argument, than I could ever do myself. I lately spent a very pleasant evening with the old gentleman, when the conversation happening to turn upon this subject, he brought forward his favorite hypothesis, and discoursed from it as learnedly, and with as much apparent conviction of its truth and reality, as Berkely and Hume, Descartes or Malebranche ever did of theirs.

I shall endeavor to give some of his observations as near as I can recollect them, and confine myself as much as possible to his own language, that my readers may justly appreciate the character and learning of my venerable friend.

« PreviousContinue »