LETTERS. TO REV. R. MACDONALD, BLAIRGOWRIE. Written when first laid aside by that illness which afterwards led to the Jewish Mission. EDINBURGH, January 12. 1839. MY DEAR FRIEND-The very day I received your kind letter, I intended to have written you that you might provide some one to stand in my place on Monday evening next. I am ashamed at not having answered your kind enquiries sooner, but am not very good at the use of the pen, and I have had some necessary letters to write. However, now I come to you. This is Saturday, when you will be busy preparing to feed the flock of God with food convenient. Happy man! It is a glorious thing to preach the unsearchable riches of Christ. We do not value it aright till we are deprived of it; and then Philip Henry's saying is felt to be true-that he would beg all the week in order to be allowed to preach on the Sabbath-day. I have been far from alarmingly ill-my complaint is all unseen, and sometimes unfelt. My heart beats by night and day; but especially by night, too loud and too strong. My medical friends have tried several ways of removing ithitherto without complete success. As long as it lasts, I fear I shall be unfit for the work of the ministry; but I do hope that God has something more for me to do in the vineyard, and that a little patient rest, accompanied by his blessing, may quiet and restore me. Oh! my dear friend, I need it all to keep this proud spirit under. Andrew Bonar was noticing the providence of " Elijah in the wilderness" being my allotted part at our next meeting.* I read it in the congregation the Sabbath after, with an envious feeling in my own heart, though I did not like to express it, that I would now be sent a like day's journey to learn the same lessons * See Memoir, chap. iil. as the Prophet-that it is not the tempest, nor the earthquake, nor the fire, but the still small voice of the Spirit that carries on the glorious work of saving souls. Andrew will be with you on Monday, and I am almost tempted to send this to-night to the Post-office; but it is not right to encourage the Sabbath mail, so will defer it till Monday. May you have a time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord! May He be the third with you who joined the two disciples on the way to Emmaus, and made their hearts burn by opening to them the Scriptures concerning himself! I hope your evening meeting may be as delightful as the last. May your mind be solemnized, my dear friend, by the thought that we are ministers but for a time, that the Master may summon us to retire into silence, or may call us to the temple above; or the midnight cry of the Great Bridegroom may break suddenly on our ears, Blessed is the servant that is found waiting! Make all your services tell for eternity; speak what you can look back upon with comfort when you must be silent. I am persuaded that I have been brought into retirement to teach me the value and need of prayer. Alas! I have not estimated aright the value of near access unto God. It is not the mere daily routine of praying for certain things that will obtain the blessing. But there must be the need within the real filial asking of God the things which we need, and which he delights to give. We must study prayer more. Be instant in prayer. You will be thinking my affliction is teaching me much, by my saying these things. Oh! I wish it were so. Nobody every made less use of affliction than I do. I feel the assaults of Satan most when I am removed into a corner; every evil thought and purpose rushes over my soul, and it is only at times that I can find Him whom my soul loveth. Monday, January 14. 1839.-I now sit down to finish this, and send it away. I am much in my usual to-day, perhaps, if anything, a little better. Still I have no hope at present of resuming my labours. Will you give me a Sabbath day's labour? I had no intention of asking you when I began this; but I feel that I had better not close it without asking this favour. I would fain be back, but I do not feel that I would be justified in so doing. When I give a short prayer in the family, it often quite knocks me up. I heard of my people to-day: they are going on as well as can be expected. Death is busy among them, and Satan too. |