188 THE BEST STYLE OF MANNERS. [Written for the Young Lady's Friend.] THE BEST STYLE OF MANNERS. My dear friends,— BY MISS A. L. MORTON. You must, to some extent, be aware of the charm and influence attached to good manners-to amiable, attractive manners. This is the unfading adornment which sets off to the best advantage, mental as well as personal beauty, and recommends even the piety and virtues of the christian. If the truth of this be not already evident to you, experience, that useful teacher, will one day render it so, from the knowledge it seldom fails to impart, whether beneficially received or not. Those pursuits which tend to cultivate the mind, to mend the heart, and to regulate the feelings, must be the best guides for forming the manners, before they receive their finishing polish by good society. In refining the character from its defects, its selfish wanderings from the required standard, it produces an elevation of sentiment at variance with all which has a tendency to render the general manner abrupt, sullen, imperious, negligent, familiar, or artificial. Wherever an uniform, upright principle of action is strictly adhered to, it requires no great penetration to perceive it in the general address, even though it fail to render it polished or attractive. This is seldom effected but under prosperous, or peculiar circumstances. But if the the mind be well regulated, the self-possession attendant upon it, will prevent any of the irregularities of manner which offend the polished and fastidious. One great security for a generally acceptable manner is, to keep true to nature in its cultivated refinement. It is not only a wearing employment to be always acting, to which a hightoned mind could not submit, but it is paying too dearly, in every point of view, for human estimation, and, after all, it defeats the very purpose for which artificial manners are formed. If we look round us, we shall readily perceive that it is not the artificial who stand highest in public opinion. It is not in the nature of things for an artificial person to inspire confidence in any of sufficient discernment to penetrate the veil of hypocrisy through which it is sought. And wherever public confidence is wanting, after a fair trial, the character cannot be entitled to much esteem. Those who have a prepared smile for every address, soon lose their influence with THE BEST STYLE OF MANNERS. 189 people of good taste. They can never acquire the ascendency at which they aim. The manner should be free from servility as well as hauteur. We had better, if we seek to please-and indeed upon every principle-endeavor to conduct in society as though in the retirement of our own fireside, with no emotion opposed to the refined ease of a well-disciplined mind. All nervous sensations, the consequence of mauvaise haute, or self-conceit, may be thus conquered. There can be no surer way of putting our associates at their ease in our society than to appear so ourselves. In order to appear so, it is only necessary to cultivate the dispositions which tend to render us really so. If we do not, few will be disposed to approach, or to befriend us. The christian benignity which warms the heart, even if it do not illumine the countenance or soften the manner, will be evident in some points of the character, or conduct, and inspire confidence and respect. The conviction of this may act as a sort of charm upon the manner which will not probably fail of its due effect. The bad manners of one influential member of a domestic circle, may cause that of others, who act more from impulse than reflection. Human nature is too defective not to yield its better part when roused to indignation by unaccustomed bad manners, even where a religious principle should soften every expression for harmony and good will. But few, alas, are disposed to seek to turn asperity into love. Were all to bear in mind to treat others with uniform benignity, there would be little left to lament of the selfish want of courteousness, which impedes the beneficial exercise of many exalted virtues. Policy often gives an exterior for the public eye, which is not preserved in domestic life. The selfishness of the human heart causes a deficiency in christian courteousness in the daily intercourse of social life, where it is most needed. But a perfectly well-bred individual cannot neglect any of the courtesies of social, any more than those of, what is termed, polite life. Whatever be our calling, the disregard of them can only indicate that we hold ourselves either above or below them. That we presumptuously consider ourselves from an imagined superiority (that in such an instance must be remote from the fact) exempt from an adherence to accustomed forms, or that we are of too little importance in the eyes of others to render them necessary. But this can never be the case while we have the right to be received in religious, or any well-regulated soci 190 THE BEST STYLE OF MANNERS. eties. And although we should avoid every species of hypocrisy as we would "the pestilence which destroyeth," yet we should cherish courteousness even though assumed by the hypocrite, whom it can never adorn as it does the christian, who feels it to be the natural result of right views of religion and morality. For in its most engaging character, it is christian loveliness, enjoined by christianity itself. "Let. your speech be always with grace," says Paul. I have seldom met with a true christian, who was so in heart, spirit, and usefulness, who was deficient in courteous benignity of address. His knowledge of the infirmity of human nature produces a compassionate tenderness, which leads to those considerate attentions, which a christian only can feel and express so as to reach the heart. We can have no right to show a disregard toward any unof fending individual. Even the most unworthy claim, upon a christian principle, more of compassion than any other feeling. The bitterness which poisons a worse than useless life, added to the known invariable termination of depravity under every form, demands the charity which "rejoiceth not in iniquity," but meets it as a sorrow to the heart. Those who are too self-willed, or heartless, to use the grace of speech recommended by Paul, are liable to be either slighted or involved in a sort of petty warfare, in their intercourse with their fellow-creatures, inconsistent with christian professions. It is at variance with the self-respect we should preserve as a shield to our virtues, and the independence which should keep at a distance all assaults that may offend, and render them unavailable. For we may be persuaded true independence is to be found in uniform good-breeding; which cannot descend to useless contests, though it may make no concessions that can compromise religious or moral obligation. It is a mere safeguard from giving or taking offence. The apparent tranquillity it produces is one of the graces of good breeding, and may prevent many a shaft's being aimed at its possessor which might pierce the heart, whether guarded or not. I do not mean a selfish apathy of feeling which heeds nothing, nor any who do not administer to some luxurious indulgence, but an amiable, gracious tranquillity, originating from a well-disciplined mind, where it may exist in the manner even amid the internal warfare of the feelings. Yet it is the polish rather than the virtue of good manners-freeing them from all embarrassment, and giving them a sweetness which embarrassed, or familiar manners seldom have—since both are apt to proceed from a false, or imperfect appreciation of our qualifications for consideration. There is such an endless variety in the character and address of individuals, that, in order to meet the variety as becomes christians, we should sedulously guard against any defect in our own address. There are too many excellent results of good-breeding for the preservation of order, and harmony, to render any admonitions on the subject, unncessary -and there is too glaring a defect in the manners of many of every class at the present day, offensive to good taste, to say the least, not to sanction every effort for a reformation. We might well inquire what has become of the sweetness, gracious dignity, and cheerful propriety which graced our well-bred ancestors. Alas, we fear buried with them, and not to be restored until wiser and better modes direct public taste. It is to be regretted that the term good manners is not more fully understood, in order to produce a balm for every wound, when springing from a heavenly-mindedness which changes the bitter into sweet, and often allays the anguish of a bleeding heart. If we were better christians, actuated alone by the unvarying feelings, and principles of Christianity, in our intercourse with each other, the result would appear in every form which tends to lessen human suffering, as well as to prepare the character to meet the purity and love which are to be the ultimate reward of such a preparation. South Boston, Mass. SONNET. A dreamy whisper from the sweet South-west, Joy to the Earth!-for Spring with breeze and song, While in her breath the trees are blossoming. And see! the greenness of the tender grass The clear-voiced birds, and streams, and fountains sing And voices low and musical are humming A song of welcome-and the earth rejoices, And praises God with multitudinous voices.-W. H. Burleigh THE VOICES OF NATURE. The voice of the mountain, The voice of the grove, Finis. The stream and the fountain are voices of love. b -b The flower in its sweetness, The bird in his lays, 2 The spring, in her freshness |