poise of egg-salting you eyed-ears consarnin' of 'un;-but, sir, with the feelins of a father thick upon me,-with all the tender thoughts of infection that my besom is open to, witch,-I leaves my darlin' sun to your fosternal conserwation,-gnawing you as one wot dillites in the fruition of yooth,-and here, sir, here,-aschews my feelins,—I 'livers over my Fitzroy-Fitzroy, sir, is his assignation-O, let him go, I cannot say farewell,-his sight will throw me into emulsions,I leaves him in the Temple of Minover,-this 'ere Cacadamy,-takaw!-tak him!"

At this pathetic climax my father sank back, exhausted.

"Most noble man!" cried Dr. Pitchitin," seldom is it my blissful, let me see, blissful,-lot to meet with paternally parental relatives who thus feelingly express their sentiments.-That's it.-It will be my arduous task, my dear delight, to watch the intellectual progress of this darling boy. Go, Fitzroy, go; consider yourself now initiated into the delightful,-let me see, that's it,-delightful mysteries of this Temple of Minerva. Thou art an accepted votary at the shrine of which I am high-priest. Go, youth,-Betsey is in the next room, and will wash your face for dinner;-'the noon-tide meal'-that's it,meal, as the poet majestically expresses it, is at hand: soon will the iron chime' of the dinner bell burst upon the listening vicinity, and the students in these groves of learning feast upon hot beef and potatoes, that's it,-potatoes. Take leave of thy high-souled parent, and depart."

And so, with an unwilling heart, I did.

CHAPTER THE SECOND.

A Wash and a Dinner, with the awful Consequences of a Vegetable Diet.-Schoolfellows; Paternal Eloquence; and Choice of a Profession.

Outside the door of Dr. Pitchitin's receiving room, I found Betsey in waiting to receive me into her hands, therefore, with manifest tokens of disapprobation, I surrendered my lovely person. By her I was carried into an outhouse, in which the ceremony of purification was performed,-for purification it certainly was, although greatly to my disadvantage, the thing purified being Betsey's hand, which relinquished one half of its dirt in favour of my previously clean face;-thus early making me acquainted with the republican principles of Nature, who omits no opportunity of levelling distinctions.

How it was that the protracted arguments of my father and Dr. Pitchitin ever came to a termination is beyond the utmost stretch of my fancy to conceive; that they were ended, however, it was evident, when, on entering the " salle à manger," I found the oratorical pedagogue seated at the head of the table, "ruling the roast" over about fifty boys, who gazed expectantly upon the hot beef and potatoes. Potatoes! rightly indeed does that latter word fall last and most fully upon the ear; truly we eat potatoes as the ancients drank their wine :

"Nævia sex cyathis, septem Justina bibatur ;—

or, rather, as many in number as the years we hoped to live; and,

assuredly, if that idea prompted our feeders, they must have had a very great desire to make us all immortal.

I was seated next to the usher, a very peculiar man, whose general appearance I as well describe :may

Mr. Snibs, unlike ushers in general, was elderly, and, which is still more unusual, he was fat. Now a fat usher is a monster sui generis, far rarer than a mermaid indeed, I will not be so hardy as to maintain that he might not have been an unique specimen. Often and often have I wondered, as I gazed in astonishment on his ample folds of flesh-often have I wondered how they were acquired! But we must not speculate: sufficient let it be to record that Mr. Snibs was fat-very fat. He had short black hair, combed smoothly over his eyes-for forehead, to the best of my memory, he had none: a little round nose was buried between two red mountains of cheeks, and his mouth, when patulous, presented to view a little round hole, into which the wedding ring of some delicate lady might have been found to fit minutely. He wore a suit of rusty black, that, stout as he was, would have suited a giant of twice his size. He was always excessively hot; and, therefore, in order to afford scope for exhalation, was accustomed to leave a great part of his waistcoat unbuttoned, and to sit, most commonly, with his feet out of his shoes.

"New boy," said he, looking into my plate, "you've had no potatoes" (they were under the table). "Stubbs, give new boy some potatoes!"

And three more roots, not one less in size than a child's head, (allowance being made for figure of speech,) were put upon my plate, to join their fellows on the floor upon the next convenient opportunity.

Before our dinner was over, Dr. Pitchitin departed to his own mutton chops, leaving Mr. Snibs to conclude the course, which he did, in due time, by gurgling a grace :

"Sanctify we beseech thee,-Hollo! Who's done this?—I say, who has done this?"

Mr. Snibs pushed back his chair, and looked under the table; surprised at the interruption, every boy did the same, so did I,-and, horror of horrors !-there, in the usher's shoes,-in each one of them,had lodged one of my unfortunate potatoes! During grace, according to custom, Mr. Snibs was insinuating his feet into those appendages, when he met with the obstructions of which I had been the unlucky

cause.

"Very well, gentlemen," said the enraged usher, "Dr. Pitchitin shall sift this matter,-very well!"-and he took up the shoes and their contents as silent evidence, bearing them, himself unshod, to the school-room.

"Never mind," whispered a boy to me, as I followed in the throng; "you did it I know,-'twill be the making of you if you're impudent. Get yourself a character in the school."

I understood the hint, and determined to act up to it.

We were all assembled in the school-room :-Dr. Pitchitin, cane in hand, was at his desk,-Mr. Snibs, shoes in hand, was at his desk,

N. S.-VOL. VI.

G

the boys, fragment of book in hand, were all at their desks,-I, the "new boy," had neither book nor desk, and should have looked marvellously like a fool, had I not predetermined, since a flogging must come, to give full value for it: I, therefore, stood grinning by the fire.

"Mr. Snibs," said Dr. Pitchitin, "what has happened?-let me see."

"Look here, sir," replied Mr. Snibs, pointing, with tragic dignity, to his shoes and their steaming contents," look here!-I will not speak of the wickedness of that mind that could waste good victuals in this way;-Sir, there are four more potatoes under the dinner table, -four, sir,-four large mealy ones! Think, sir, of the malice that could insult me by planting these in my very shoes! It is an insult unheard of, artfully contrived, wicked, premeditated, vile, villanous! Sir, the boy as committed this horrid offence must come to the gallows.' "Boys," cried Dr. Pitchitin, "boys,-let me see,-who,-that's it, -who did this?"

A dead silence.

"New boy" said Mr. Snibs, "what are you laughing at?—and, now I think of it, I did not see you eat any potatoes. What's your

name?"

Fitzroy Pike. What's yours?"

"That's insolence!" said Snibs, in a passion.

"The same question you asked me."

"Pike," stammered Snibs, with an effort to calm his rage, Pike, tell me,-did you eat your potatoes?"

"No," replied I, coolly.

"No!" cried Dr. Pitchitin,-" Not eat any potatoes! No!-let me see, then, what did you have for dinner? What did you do with them ?"

"Threw them under the table when nobody was looking."

"You did, did you?"-shrieked Snibs,-" and you put them in my shoes, did you?"

"They fell in of their own accord," replied I,-" I didn't know you aired your feet at dinner time."

Mr. Snibs made no reply, but gave a meaning glance at the Doctor, then leisurely shook the potato from each shoe, the mystery being now elucidated, encased his feet, and sat down, with an awful crash, intended to strike terror into my soul.

66

Fitzroy Pike," said Dr. Pitchitin, in a solemn tone, as he tried, in an impressive manner, the elasticity of his cane,-“I must―let me see-I must flog you,-that's it."

After the orations in the receiving room I little expected a speech so pithy.

"I shall be most happy, I am sure," replied I; "and you are at liberty to commence the moment you catch me."

It is perfectly useless to protract the scene:-in short, I exasperated both Doctor and usher to madness, received, with Spartan fortitude, a sound thrashing, and established an honourable character in the school, never to be shaken from its foundation.

I do not intend to burden the reader with any detailed account of

my school adventures, but shall content myself merely with describing two of my companions, who became, in after life, to a considerable degree, implicated in my affairs.

The first of these was Tom Briton, a mad-brained dog, who honoured me with his especial patronage and friendship,-led me into a thousand scrapes, and helped me out of them most cleverly;-Tom, most decidedly, cared for no man; he lived only for fun and frolic, whilst still his heart was of the soundest stuff, though frequently led aside by his passion for mirthful amusement.

The other was of a very different character, and won my regard rather by the interest that I felt in him. Eustace Weston was seldom gay; young as he was, he had known the deepest affliction,-loss of parents, loss of the brightest prospects, and, therefore, loss of friends. He was the only boy I ever knew that passed through a school as a gentleman, without drawing upon himself general odium for so novel a conceit. He mixed little with the others, and, what is wonderful, none interfered with him: there was a mystery and interest attached to him; he was, the boys all agreed, not one of themselves. Yet Eustace was kind-hearted and gentle,-I loved him from the first,he was clever, I was not,-but by his assistance I progressed, and we soon became inseparable friends.

Poor Eustace! as I recur now to the days when we were children together, and think of thy sad, untimely fate, of the misery manhood brought thee, why should I strive to repress the honest tear, that, spite of all, will rise?-why withhold the friendly tribute to thy memory? But enough of mournful recollection.

-a

During the first part of my stay at Dr. Pitchitin's, I was bullied and knocked about as a fag: in time I grew to the distinction, most enviable one in my situation,-of "big boy;" and, when I was "biggest,"-Tom Briton and Eustace both having left, my father called me home.

I had learned enough, however, at school, to look with something of contempt on my father's notions of gentility; and, as I found no pleasure in home, many were the arguments between myself and Bob Pike, Esq., in the front parlour at Camberwell, concerning the necessity of my finding some occupation:

"Fitzroy," my father would say, "when I opens my ears and sees you a-talkin' of such nonsense, says I to myself, is this you?-Inflect, Fitzroy, inflect on your poor-specks,-here is I,-me, that is, Bob, your paternal posteritor,-in yearly possession of a anival hang-youwitty of two hundred and fifty pounds o' starlings per hang'em ;look around on your aunt's-sister-al domains,-the brass plate,-the fixters, the furniter, and, when you cotton-plates all these here ridges, saysn't you to yerself, says you-all supple-mary trades and trubbles is humbugs all alike, content is trashers?'"

In vain this oratory; not two hundred and fifty pounds a year, furniture and fixtures, were treasures to me, for I was not content. A lucky accident put an end to all my doubts, promising, for a time at least, to find me occupation.

Walking through London streets, idle and discontented, I received, one day, to my great surprise and discomfiture, a smart clap on the

shoulder, turning round to resent the affront, I perceived Tom Briton.

"Pitch it in!" cried he, "that's the magic name !-What a tragic hero you look!"

I laughed, and we shook hands cordially.

"What are you doing Fitz Pike?" asked Tom.
"Nothing," replied I, somewhat dolefully.
"Go into partnership with me."

"What trade is it?" inquired I.

"Trade!" cried he; "none! 'tis a profession." "Which?"

"The honourable profession of medicine in its most popular branch."

"But Tom, you are not qualified,―nor am I."

"Quack! quack!" replied Tom Briton, "henceforth, be thou Dr. Gandophilus Eupatoramicocologicus, and I am the mysterious partner,' nameless, sulphureous, what the playbills mark with a and we'll play the devil with quacks, in a style they never yet dreamt of: share profits and so on,-make arrangements to-night.'

"Done!" said I,-and done it was: I told my father I had got into the medical profession; and, in the afternoon, met Tom, by appointment, at his own lodgings.

CHAPTER THE THIRD.

After a few Preliminaries, assumes rather a Diabolical Character.-In it is related how my Father sought to conciliate Aunts Tabitha and Dorothea; also how he succeeded. On the whole, however, this Chapter deserves great censure, since it disrespectfully leaves my Grandmother in a very awkward position.

As henceforth my friend, Tom Briton, will occupy a very prominent place in this history, it will, doubtless, be required by many of my lady readers, that I should give materials for forming some idea of his personal appearance. Now styles of description vary: we have, at the one extreme, that ornate and poetical verbosity which, by its eloquence, wins sympathy and applause; whilst the opposite outpost is taken up by that concise and matter-of-fact style adopted in passports, a style under the fetters of which the charms of Venus herself would chill the most susceptible of hearts. A young lady would have improvvised glowing sentiments on Tom Briton's eyes; she would have noted their dark flashes,-the wit, the innocent roguery they conveyed; she would have noted too, that, with all their merriment, they would be first to beam with sympathy at sight of distress, or to cloud at a tale of sorrow; perhaps, a favoured creature, she might have seen them bright with love;-a passport sends us, at once, to Billingsgate, and recals the wars of the ragamuffins with the unpleasant and pithy declaration,-" eyes, black." The pleasing expression of his mouth, the play of mirth and intelligence around it, the noble curl of his lips, and all such beauties, who could overlook? But capacity for bread and butter is the passport's sole consideration, and there we find simply recorded,-" mouth small." His clear, though dark complexion, high, open forehead, and raven black hair, might each have