There was a solemn grandeur about the process of opening. The mouth was unquestionably one of too much importance to open itself on trifling occasions, or in a trifling manner. It performed the operation slowly, deliberately, sublimely; and I looked on with the same breathless anxiety as when listening in the Great Glen of Scotland to the expectant burst ing of a thunder-cloud, which hangs in threatening mood over the summit of Bennevis. To say that it resembled a churchdoor would be doing it injustice - no church-door, even the main one of Notre Dame or St. Paul's, ever expanded its huge jaws with such deliberate majesty. Reader, if you have seen the opening of the dock-gates at Portsmouth, or of the locks on the Caledonian Canal, you may form some idea of that of the mouth.

I think I said it had opened half an inch; to do so it took no less than three minutes; this I particularly noticed. "Now," said I, "this mouth is capable of expanding at least twelve times that length, or six inches. Three minutes to half an inch make six minutes to a whole inch. Six multiplied by six make thirtysix. In all, one half hour and six minutes must elapse before this glorious mouth can attain its ne plus ultra."

While this process was going on, day waned apace, and twilight was on the point of being succeeded by darkness. Those broad floods of light which bathed the pillars with their lurid lustre, were becoming fainter and fainter-and nocturnal gloom threatened, in a few minutes, to reign "lord of the ascendant." But this approaching obscuration was no impediment to the mouth. It opened wider every instant. At last attained the

climax of its extension; and, wide as it was, would stretch no farther. The mouth, after all, was not so omnipotent as I supposed. There were limits to its powers, and after thirty-six minutes of incessant operation, it had done its best.

I now began to wonder what object my opposite neighbour could have in opening his mouth to such an apocryphal extent -or rather what could tempt the mouth itself to perform so extraordinary an exploit-for, somehow, I could never think of it as being under the control of the man. It could not be to eat, for eatables abound not in libraries; nor to speak, for speech requires not such oral dimensions. It was for neither; the purpose for which it condescended to open itself was nobler far. It was to give a yawn, which sounded through the apartment shook me on my seat, and made the proudest folio quiver like an aspen from its firm foundation. I never heard such

a yawn it was worthy of the great source from whence it emanated: it was worthy of the Advocates' Library; and, as its echo sounded from shelf to shelf, from pillar to pillar, and from table to table, I thought that it would rival the loudest yawn ever uttered by luckless wight, while luxuriating in the recondite pages of that profound philosopher, Dr. Black. Kings might have owned it, heroes claimed it as their own, sages contended for it, poets sung about it. In one word, it was worthy of the Man with the Mouth. Need more be said? Answer, "No."

Nor was this the only yawn. There were one, two, three, each louder than its predecessor. The last in particular was tremendous, and filled me with awe and admiration. I even yawned myself in hopeless rivalry; but I might as well have tried to outbrave the thunders of Jove with a popgun, as enter the lists with this most doughty opponent.

These mighty yawns being at an end, I naturally concluded that the mouth would resume its former condition—that it would close and be as when I first beheld it. But it closed not. Dark as the evening was, I saw that the man still gaped-that his mouth was as wide as ever he seemed, in truth, yawning, though inaudibly. He no longer perused upon the Chronicle; this the darkness rendered a hopeless attempt; and he quietly deposited the paper upon the table and looked at me-not with his eyes, but with his mouth. I cannot describe the feelings which pervaded me at this time. The room was almost pitch dark; no relict of the solar influence remained behind; the pillars had lost the gaudy lustre lent them by the twilight, and stood like rows of sable giants in their respective places, while a silence, dread and drear as the grave, prevailed on every side. My admiration-my love-my respect for the mouth was as great as ever, but in a short time they began to be coupled with fear; and had it not been for some mysterious witchery exercised upon my understanding, I believe I should have taken legbail, and left the man to yawn and gape till the "crack of doom." The library was robed in darkness; true-but that did not prevent me from seeing him. Obscurity could not shroud him. still gaped prodigiously. His mouth was large, round, and deep, and formed a circle in the centre of his face-a black circle, only broken at the top of his nose, which peeped over it-and below by his chin, which protruded forward as if to harmonize with the nasal protuberance, and render the symmetry perfect. I saw also his eyes, that shone like two lambent

He

lights, and shed a sepulchral lustre around the boundaries of his awful and mysterious mouth.

66

Altogether I felt alarmed-still respect for the remarkable object of my meditations bound me to my seat; and though minutes and hours passed by, I was yet gazing intently at it. I could perceive no diminution of its size; it was still the same yawning gulf-the same antre vast," which gave birth to the portentous yawns. On one side I sat rapt in a frenzied awe; on the other, sat the Man with the Mouth, like an idol, commanding and compelling my adoration. I knew not what to make of him-or rather of his mouth. There was something surprising in the whole business; and now, for the first time, did I feel my respect for this wonderful feature beginning to decline. The gradual opening of the feature was fine the yawning magnificent-but such a persevering system of gaping seemed to me absurd. There was something in it which shocked my causality; and I began to suspect that, after all, the man was somewhat of an ass, and his mouth a very so so affair, scarcely worthy the time and trouble it had cost me.

At last, what with violent excitement and the fatigue of gazing, my imagination got violently agitated. I no longer saw things with my own eyes, but with the optics of fancy, and revelled in a profusion of extravagant and unbridled thought. The man who at first seemed nameless and unknown, was now invested with a "habitation and a name." His habitation was Eternity and his name was TIME. That mouth was the gulf of oblivion into which all things must pass, save those doomed to endure for ever.

"A change came o'er the spirit of my dream." In a moment the library, which had been silent, dark, and deserted, was lighted up, and crowded with wonted visiters. Three hundred advocates in their gowns paraded its vista-three hundred gentlemen learned in the law! I was amazed at it-not so Time. He chuckled with delight, and (mirabile dictu) gaped wider than before.

It was a night of miracles. Those thousands of tomes which crowded the shelves seemed stricken with a dead palsy. The shelves themselves shook with trepidation, and their inhabitants tumbled with hideous ruin and combustion" upon the floor. Shakspeare, Milton, Scott, and some others, kept their accustomed births, but the multitudinous mass started from theirs in dismay, as if some dreadful angel had pronounced their doom.

What did Time? He raised his right hand, and the volumes, as if borne upon

some mighty stream, came rushing to. wards him. I heard their leaves fluttering in agony; and commingled with their agitations came the groans of living and dead authors, bewailing their luckless off. spring. The mouth, as they approached it, grew wider; and into its abyss sunk reams of paper innumerable, blackened with oceans of printers' ink. He again

Another freak of Time. raised his hand, and the three hundred gentlemen learned in the law, approached him by an irresistible impulse, and were instantly sucked into that mouth from whose vortex there is no return.

One caprice of imagination leads to another. A table was spread in the centre of the room, and a knot of worthy souls were busily enjoying themselves. They were the members of the Noctes Ambrosianæ. North was there, and Tickler, and Hogg, and O'Doherty, and Mullion, and the rest of that illustrious band. And when the mouth saw them, he elevated his dexter-hand a third time

but its spell was unavailing now. North shook his crutch at him in derision-the Shepherd saluted him with a guffaw of contempt-Mullion snapped his fingers in his face-O'Doherty discharged a brandy bottle at his head-and Tickler swore he did not value him a pipe-stopper.-Poor mouth, he was quite chop-fallen!

I pitied him. There is something painful in witnessing the failure of one who has been invariably victorious; and in spite of my respect for those excellent friends, who had set him at defiance, I would rather have seen them sucked into the Lethean gulf, than witnessed his overthrow. I pitied him profoundly, for his faculties of devourment were next to boundless; and it was lamentable to think that there dwelt on this ball of earth any power capable of saying, "thus far shalt thou come, and no farther." Time, or the Man with the Mouth, or whatever name we choose to call him by, felt his situation bitterly. He did not gnash his teeth; that would have been a tedious business to one whose mouth required thirty-six minutes to open, and doubtless as many to shut-but the tears rolled down his pallid cheeks, and deep, longdrawn sighs of anguish and disappointment proceeded from the bottom of his heart.

To assuage sorrow was always one of my principles. My heart is ever open "to the sweet music of humanity;" and I resolved to pour consolation into the spirit of this injured one. "Yes, Mouth! I shall assuage thy matchless griefs," said I, weeping bitterly, while I buried my eyes in my handkerchief with one

hand, and seized that of the object of my philanthropy with the other. Scarcely had I done so, than the Mouth uttered these awful words" Friend, thou art more free than welcome !"—and, on looking up to see what they could import, I found that I was seated in the travellers' room of the Hen ard Chickens at Birmingham, and had caught by the nose a worthy quaker, who was at that moment occupied in devouring a savoury dish of pork chops and sausages.

A MODERN PYTHAGOREAN.
Blackwood's Magazine.

ODE ON THE DISTANT PROSPECT OF A GOOD

DINNER.

YE distant dishes, sideboards blest
With Halford's peptic pill-
Where grateful gourmands still attest
Illustrious Robert's skill;

And ye that, girt with legumes round,
Or in the purest pastry bound
On silvery surface lie;
Where pâté-saimi-sauce tomate,
Fricandeau framed with nicest art
Attract the glist'ning eye.

Ah! richest scent! perfume beloved!
Blest odours breathed in vain-
Where once my raptured palate roved,
And fain would rove again.

1 feel the gales that now ascend,
A momentary craving lend-

As curling round the vapours seen
My faded faculties t'excite,
Restore my long-pall'd appetito
And soothe me with their steam.

Say, Monsieur Ude, for thou hast seen Full many a jovial set

Discoursing on la bonne cuisine,
In social union met-

Who foremost now prepare to pray
Des cotelettes à la chicorée !
Sauté de saumon-qui l'attend?
What young Amphitryons now vote
Nothing like pigeons en compôte,
Or taste the vol-au-vent?

While some at lighter viands aim,
And towards digestion lean,
Poularde aux truffes, or à la crême,
Or agneau aux racines;
Some hardier epicures disdain
The distant chance of doubtful pain,
And queue d'esturgeon try;
Still as they eat they long to cease,
They feel a pang as every piece
Passes their palate by.

But lo! the entremets are placed
To greet the gourmand's nose,
Bedeck'd with all the pride of paste,
Confective prowess shows.
One earnestly devotes his praise
To beignets a la lyonnaise,
Others survey with mix'd delight
Gelées d'orange-de marasquin;
While some, with looks ecstatic, scan
The souffie's buoyant height.

These shall the Gout tormenting rack, The Vampire of the toes, Night-mare, Lumbago in the back, And Cholic's painful throes. Or languid liver waste their youth, Or caries of a double tooth,

It's victims' nerves that nightly gnaws.
Vertigo-Apoplexy-Spleen,

The feverish hand-the visage green,
The lengthen❜d lantern jaws.

This, a consommé, precious prize
Is tempted now to try;

To restless nights a sacrifice,
And dire acidity.

Till throbs of heart-burn-ague's pangs,
And Cholera's fiercely-fixing fangs,
Have left him, liverless, to moan,
The bloated form-the pimpled face,
The tottering step-th' expiring trace
Of good digestion gone.

To each his twitches, all are men,
Condemned to pick their bone;
The poor man in another's den,
The rich man in his own.

Yet, why should I of torments treat?
Since we were made to eat and drink,
Why should I prophesy their pain?
Stomachs were form'd for holding food-
No more while our digestion's good,
'Tis tolly to abstain.

Ibid.

Arcana of Science.

Cure for the Small Pox.

At a meeting of the French Royal Academy of Medicine, Mons. Valpean read an essay to prove that if the pustules in this disease be cauterized within two days after the eruption, they die away entirely, and if even later, their duration is abridged, and no traces of them are left. The caustic which he used, was a solution of nitrate of silver, into which he dipped a probe, with which he pierced the centre of each pustule; this remedy he had tried in numerous cases with a very good effect. (For the Mirror.) Jacobus.

Ancient Cannon raised from the Sea.

A fisherman of Calais drew up a cannon, of very ancient form, from the bottom of the sea, by means of his nets. M. de Rheims has since removed the rust from it, and on taking off the breech, was much surprised to find the piece still charged. Specimens of the powder have been taken, from which, of course, all the saltpetre has disappeared, after a submersion of three centuries. The ball was of lead, and was not oxidized to a depth greater than that of a line.--Journal des Debuts.

Assamese Method of Blasting Rocks.

The Assamese close the mouth of the hole by driving in with a mallet a stout wooden plug some inches in length, through which a touchhole is bored. Between the powder and the lower part of the plug an interval of several inches is left; the communication is perfected by means of a tin tube filled with powder, and passed through the centre of the plug. -Monthly Mag.

Purification of Alcohol

A prize was offered by the Royal Academy of Brussels to the person who should prove upon what the differences between alcohol, extracted from various substances, as fruits, grain, roots, sugar, &c. depended. This was obtained by M. Hensmans, who was led, by numerous experiments, to conclude that the alcohol was always identical, but that the difficulty, more or less great, always found in rectifying it, as well also as the difference in taste, depended upon the presence of a fatty matter, and a little acetic ether. The fatty matter, when alone, may be separated by several distillations, but the acetic ether is not removed in this way. It is better, in every case, for the removal of both, to add a little caustic potash, or soda, to the alcohol, to be rectified. Carbonated alkali does not act with sufficient energy. -Bull. Univ.

Method of obtaining the Figure of a

Plant.

A piece of paper is to be rubbed over with powdered dragon's blood, in the manner practised by engravers, and then the small branch or leaf of which the design is required is to be laid upon it; by means of slight friction it soon takes up a small quantity of the powder, and being then laid upon moistened paper, an impression is to be taken in the manner practised for lithography without a machine. This process may be usefully employed for preserving certain physiognomical and characteristic features, which cannot be retained by drying the plant -Bull. Univ.

The Gatherer. "A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles." SHAKSPEARE.

SWIFTIANA.

The common fluency of speech in many men, and most women, is owing to a scarcity of matter, and a scarcity of words; for whoever is a master of language, and has a mind full of ideas, will be apt in speaking to hesitate upon the choice of both; whereas common speak

ers have only one set of ideas, and one set of words to clothe them in; and these are always ready at the mouth; as people come faster out of a church when it is almost empty, than when a crowd is at the door.

Old men and comets have been reverenced for the same reason; their long beards, and pretences to foretell events.

A person was asked at court, what he thought of an ambassador and his train, who were all embroidery and lace, full of bows, cringes, and gestures; he said, it was Solomon's importation, gold and apes

THREE ROYAL QUESTIONS.

KING Henry the Eighth having a month's mind to the Abbot of Glastonbury's estate (who was one of the richest abbots in England) sent for him to his court, and told him, that unless he could resolve him three questions, he should not escape with his life. The abbot, willing to get out of his clutches, promised his best endeavours. The king's questions were these: first, Of what compass the world was about? Secondly, How deep the sea was? And, thirdly, What the king thought? The abbot desired some few days' respite, which being granted, he returned home, but with intent never to see the king again, for he thought the questions impossible to be resolved. His grief coming at last to the ears of his cook, he undertook, upon forfeiture of his life, to resolve these riddles, and to free his master from danger. The abbot willingly consented. The cook put on the abbot's clothes, and at the time appointed went to the court, and being like the abbot, was taken by all the courtiers to be the same man. When he came before the king, he thus resolved his three questions: First, Of what compass the world was about ? He said, "It was but twenty-four hours journey, and if a man went as fast as the sun, he might easily go it in that space." The second, How deep the sea was ? He answered, "Only a stone's cast; for throw a stone into the deepest place of it, and in time it will come to the bottom." To the third, "which I conceive," saith he, “ your majesty thinks the most difficult to resolve; but indeed it is the easiest, that is, What your highness thinks? I answer, "That you think me to be the abbot of Glastonbury, when as indeed I am but Jack his cook."

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