4 A Politician?-it was vain, To quote the Morning Paper: The horrid phantoms came again, Rain, Hail, and Snow, and Vapour. Flat Flattery was my only chance: I acted deep devotion, Found magic in her every glance, Grace in her every motion: I wasted all a Stripling's lore, Prayer, passion, folly, feeling : And wildly look'd upon the floor, And wildly on the ceiling: I envied gloves upon her arm, And shawls upon her shoulder: I don't object to wealth or land: Of an extremely pretty hand, She makes silk purses, broiders stools, Paints screens, subscribes to Surday schools, But to be linked for life to her! The desperate man who tried it, Might marry a Barometer, And hang himself beside it! 66 New Monthly Mag. MATHEWS IN LOVE, LAW, and CHARLES MATHEWS made himself rather too much "at home" on the first representation of "Love, Law, and Physic," when, after personating Garrow as a pleader in admirable style, (what is there he does not do admirably?) he must needs take off the Chief-Justice Ellenborough's judicial manner, and imitate his nasal twang: surely he must have had inward misgivings and instinctive dread as he did it! "Some good-natured friend or another," as Sir Fretful says, was not long in communicating the liberties nightly taken with his lordship's peculiarities or defects in the comedian's tete-à-tete with hie laughing audience. Lord Ellenborough was any thing but thin-skinned, but he knew and felt what was due to his office, and he was determined to assert it. He was right. It is said a pretty significant message was conveyed, suggestive of his lordship's opinion and resolution upon the subject, to the sinning histrion; and it need scarcely be added that it was instantly as readily deferred to, less from fear than from a sense of fitness and propriety. The omission of the favourite imitation was no sooner perceived by a crowded audience, attracted to witness and enjoy it, than a fearful shout arose from the many-headed monster for its repetition. Mathews, however, declined it in most respectful terms; but his majesty, the mob, was in one of his obstinate and exigent humours, with nothing of the pliability or meekness of the volunteer battalion in his composition at the moment; he insisted, and not content with It invitation, chose to indulge in no little of contumely, and somewhat of menace. was then that, in the frank and manly manner for which Mathews has ever been distinguished, he declared, that when he had encharged himself with the part in the first instance, he had been far from supposing offence might have been taken in any quarter; but the contrary having been suggested to him, he would be the last man to evince disrespect, or to attach ridicule to the constituted authorities of his country, and he must beg to decline compliance with the public wish. No, it would not do-John Bull was in one of his Thurlow moods; he would have it all his own way; he would not be pacified, and roared out as lustily as a lion at the sight of the means of refection: so that it seemed with Mathews, like Hardyknute in the "Wood-Denon,' " that if he could not provide a victim for his master at the appointed season, he must just consent to be devoured himself. Yet he is not the man to wince; so when John's lungs really could no more (and they stand something of exercise)-when his breath began to fail him, and his vocabulary to be exhausted-when look and gesture were feebly substituted (like Claremont for Young in "Hamlet") for wordsMathews, as energetically as emphatically, observed, "That no power on earth should compel him to the performance." Would that he had had the management of the procrastinated ultimatum with the Divan! he would have just settled it, like Codrington, in right English bull-dog style. John was now content perforce. After grumbling, there is nothing the animal likes so much as contradiction. All his sympathies apparently lie that way. The growl of anger was changed to a grumble of applause. Mathews was at home," and Lord Ellenborough spared.-Ibid. BOTTLE COMPANIONS. LET any one who has had much experience of life, look back upon the ranks of his friends, companions, acquaintances, and persons whom he knew but by name -or not even by name-although he had become informed of something of their habits and history. How many drunkards among them have drunk themselves to death, and, before their natural term, disappeared-first into disgraceful retirement in some far-off hut, with a poor peasant for keeper--and then into some kirk-yard, apart from the bones of kindred! The scholar of bright parts, perhaps, but unsettled principles, who had committed the fatal error of attaching himself to no one profession or pursuit, but who preferred hanging loose on the world, till the world, weary of him, blew him rudely off; and who then, losing year after year, at first unconsciously, and at last with the bitterest consciousness, portion after portior of his dignity and independence, became, in the very prime of life, and with all his misdirected abilities, a pauper and a reprobate, whom it were pitiful, almost disgraceful, to shake by the clammy hand; and whom, partly from his own fault, and partly from a kind of fatality, it had become utterly impossible essentially to befriend! You heard nothing of him for a year he had gone, none knew whither-till you were told that he was dead. Then how many young men, intended for the church, the sons of poor but decent parents, who had hoped to see them "slaking their heads ower a poopit," become dissipated in obscure haunts-till, with their characters entirely blown upon and blasted, they emerge into open day professed profligates scoff at religion and its ministers go about the country from house to house, disgracing themselves, and disgusting their longest-enduring friends by their drunkenness or vices more flagitious still degenerate into dancingmasters, or excisemen, or inferior gamekeepers employed to exterminate vermin - -va by their "braces" on trees-but whatever their doom, the root of the evil was still Drunkenness, Drunkenness! although, in happy and healthy boyhood, their drink had been from the brook or welland ever, ere they lay down on their chaff-beds, they knelt devoutly with their little clasped hands in prayer, till the hearts of both their parents overflowed with joy !-Blackwood's Mag. Rotes of a Reader. No. 74 of the Quarterly Review (just published) contains an important paper on Ornamental Plantations and Landscape Gardening, in which it is proved, that by Sir Henry Steuart's art of Transplantation, as practised by him at Allanton, in Lanark, the power of raising wood, whether for beauty or shelter, is accele rated in an extraordinary degree. There are also many novel facts in vegetable physiology, which will prove highly interesting to the scientific reader. ROMAN BATHS. THE baths were supplied from the stupendous aqueducts. The walls of their lofty apartments were covered with curious mosaics, that imitated the art of the pencil in the elegance of design, and the variety of colours. The Egyptian granite was beautifully incrusted with the precious green marble of Numidia; the perpetual stream of hot water was poured into the spacious basins, through so many wide mouths of bright and massy silver; and the meanest Roman could purchase, with a small copper coin, the daily enjoyment of a scene of pomp and luxury, which might excite the envy of the kings of Asia. From these stately palaces, issued a swarm of dirty and ragged plebeians, without shoes, and without a mantle; who loitered away whole days in the street or Forum, to hear news and to hold disputes, who dissipated, in extravagant gaming, the miserable pittance of their wives and children; and spent the hours of the night in obscure taverns and brothels, in the indulgence of gross and vulgar sensuality. and though sometimes pretty sober, never perfectly steady, sink gradually lower and lower in condition, till you see them blacking shoes at inn doors, at watering-places, or rubbing down stagecoach horses, or, all too feeble for such labour, knapping stones for Macadamized high-ways, and with downcast looks halfimploring charity from the passing traveller. Or perhaps you may remember more than one-ay half a dozen medical students as they were called-who after spending in the slips of theatres, and the boxes of taverns, and worse haunts, the means furnished for their education by parents who had meanwhile denied themselves even the necessaries of life. nished from the streets, as they said either truly or falsely, for berths on board Whalers. Home-returning in poverty, they got unsettled in small rural villages, unable to support a howdie-were seen lingering for ever about change-houses— constant attendants, for no apparent purpose, at fairs and never more than half sober at funerals, of which, under Providence, they were the chief cause, till discovered forgery made them fly the country, or some shocking immorality excommunicated them from fire and water -or they were found drowned in pits or pools or smothered in barley-mows--or suffocated in ditches---or found suspended THE custom of creating Knights in the Seneca compares the baths of Scipio Africanus, at his villa of Liturnum, with the increasing magnificence of the public baths of Rome long before the stately baths of Antoninus and Diocletian were erected. The quadrans paid for admission was about one-eighth of an English penny.-Gibbon. KNIGHT BANNERET. field of battle was one of the most interesting forms of chivalry; a splendid instance of which is recorded in the time of Charles I., as conferred on one Captain, Smith, who had displayed great courage as well as loyalty, in the king's service. In the battle of Edgehill, Oct. 22, 1642, when Sir Edward Verney, the Royal Standard Bearer, was killed, and the standard taken, Smith rushed amidst the enemy, and retook it, for which he was instantly made a knight banneret, and received soon after a large gold medal, "with the king's picture on the one side, and the banner on the other, which he always wore to his dying day, in a large, green watered riband, across his shoulders." He fell two years afterwards, at Cheriton fight, sometimes called the battle of Alresford. LOYAL ADDRESSES. FROM a memorandum in Evelyn's Diary, we learn, Dec. 6, 1697, he "went to Kensington with the sheriff, knights, and chief gentlemen of Surrey, to present their address to the king. The Duke of Norfolk promised to introduce it, but came so late, that it was presented before he came. This insignificant ceremony was brought in in Cromwell's time, and has ever since continued with offers of life and fortune to whoever happened to have the power." Had it not been for this 66 ceremony,' "the world would not be so thickly sprinkled with "worshipful society :" Good den, Sir Richard,-Gad-a-mercy, fellow; And if his name be George I'll call him Peter: For new-made honour doth forget men's names. POLICE. In the reign of James I. the justices of Middlesex obtained the appellation of "Basket Justices," and were characterized as men "privileged to domineer in their parishes, and do their neighbour wrong with more right." Towards the close of the last century, to such a height had their corruption attained, that they boldly ventured to open shops for the sale of justice, or rather injustice; and it was to suppress this iniquitous trafficthis handy-dandy play-of which the justice, which the thief that the first police bill was introduced into parliament. Q. Rev. SEVERAL of the minor German states have recently united in taking measures to prevent the piratical invasions of the rights of authors. WEST, the painter, had a porter, James, a fine, tall fellow, who figured in his mas a A SOT has lately been defined to be " man with a red face, and a nose exaggerated by intemperance." This phraseology may be called spirit varnish. OF Lord Collingwood's economy of the ship's stores, the following instance is often mentioned in the navy, as having occurred at the battle of St. Vincent. The Excellent, shortly before the action, had bent a new foretop sail; and when she was closely engaged with the St. Isidro, Captain Collingwood called out to his boatswain, a very gallant man, who was shortly afterwards killed," Bless me, Mr. Peffers, how came we to forget to bend our topsail? They will quite ruin that new one. It will never be worth 2 farthing again.”—Quar. Rev. BISHOP BERKELEY, among a set of queries, has the following, which are pertinent to existing circumstances: "Whether one may not be allowed to conceive and suppose a society or nation of human creatures, clad in woollen cloths and stuffs; eating good bread, beef, and mutton, poultry, and fish in great plenty; drinking ale, mead, and cider; inhabiting decent houses, built of brick and marble; taking their pleasure in fair parks and gardens; depending on no foreign imports for food and raiment ?"-also, "Whether there may not be found a people who so contrive as to be impoverished by their trade?" The Gatherer. This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons peas. SHAKSPEARE. PAT DOOLAN'S PIG. AN Irish peasant complained to the Catholic priest of his parish, that some person had stolen his best pig, and supplicated his reverence to help him to the discovery of the thief. The priest promised his best endeavours; and his inquiries soon leading him to guess the of fender, he took the following amusing method of bringing the matter home to him. Next Sunday, after the service of the day, he called out with a loud voice, fixing his eyes on the suspected individual, "Who stole Pat Doolan's pig?" There was a long pause, and no answer; he did not expect that there would be any, and descended from the pulpit without saying a word more. A second Sunday arriving without the pig being restored, his reverence, again looking steadfastly at the stubborn purloiner, and throwing a deep note of anger into the tone of his voice, repeated the question, "Who stole Pat Doolan's pig? I say, who stole poor Pat Doolan's pig ?" Still there was no answer, and the question was left as before, to work its effect in secret on the conscience of the guilty in dividual. The hardihood of the offender however exceeded all the honest priest's calculations. A third Sunday arrived and Pat Doolan was still without his pig. Some stronger measures now became necessary. After service was performed, his reverence, dropping the question of "Who stole Pat Doolan's pig ?" but still without directly accusing any one of the theft, reproachfully exclaimed, "Jimmie Doran! Jimmie Doran! you trate me with contimpt." Jimmie Doran hung down his head, and next morning the pig was found at the door of Pat Doolan's cabin. Another Irish priest, by name Felix Macabe, author of a grammar of the English language, was expatiating from the pulpit on the reciprocal duties of the pastor and his flock, and on the account to be given on that subject at the day of final retribution. "Well, Father Felix," he observed," the great judge will say, and how have you fulfilled the duties of your office? Have you neglected the charge you undertook, or supplied the wants of your parishioners ?" and I shall reply, "Holy Father, I prached to them, and I prached to them, I prayed for their sowls, and I gave them my blessings." "Well, Father Felix, and how did your flock trate you? Did they pay you their dues, and bring you their offerings? And then you villains, what am I to say?" added he, apostrophizing the congregation, "You know you do nothing but chate me." STAMP ACT. WHEN Dr. Franklin was agent in England for the province of Pennsylvania, he was frequently applied to by the ministry for his opinion respecting the operation of the Stamp Act; but his answer was uniformly the same, "that the people of America would never submit to it." After the news of the destruction of the stamped papers had arrived in England, the ministry again sent for the Doctor to consult with; and in conclusion offered this proposal:-"That if the Americans would engage to pay for the damage done in the destruction of the stamped paper, &c. the parliament would then repeal the act." The Doctor having paused upon this question for some time, at last answered it as follows:-This puts me in mind of a Frenchman, who, having heated a poker red-hot, ran furiously into the street, and addressing the first Englishman he met there, Hah! Monsieur, voulez vous give me de plaisir, de satisfaction, to let me run this poker only one foot into your body ?" "My body," replied the Englishman: "What do you mean?'" Vel den, only so far," marking about six inches. "Are you mad ?" returned the other; "I tell you, if you don't go about your business, I'll knock you down." "Vel den," said the Frenchman, softening his voice and manner; "Vil you, my good Sir, only be so obliging as to pay me for the trouble and expense of heating this poker!" JUDGES OF MUSIC. A scoтCH bagpiper travelling into Ireland opened his wallet by a wond side, and sat down to dinner; he had no sooner said grace than three wolves came about him. To one he threw bread, to another meat, till his provision was all gone; at length he took up his bagpipes, and began to play; at which the wolves ran away. "The Deel faw me, said Sawney, "An I had kenn'd ye loved music so weel, ye should have had it before dinner " GRAMMATICAL ADVICE. WHEN man and wife at odds fall out, Twixt masculine and feminine, Let Syntax be your tutor; What should one be, but neuter ? Printed and Published by J. LIMBIRD, 143, Strand, (near Somerset House,) and sold by all Newsmen and Booksellers. |