Tour through the Highlands of Scotland; this we do with reluctance. We decline also the trashy puff on Washington Irving's Tales of a Traveller; This we do with the greatest pleasure. "A RUM ONE" must pardon us when we tell him that he is "a milk and water one." CHRISTOPHER will see he has been attended to. R. F. in our next. We have no objection to a CARTHUSIAN'S promised translations, only let them not be too lengthy. We shall conclude this article with a spirited song by a friend, who stands us on this occasion instead of a herald. To our trusty, and well-beloved Friend, the Editor of the John Bull Magazine.— These come greeting. It giveth me much satisfaction, my hearty and loving subject, for so to you (under favour) do I owe my revivification-must I call you; it giveth me much satisfaction, that I have at last found, in the land of Cockaigne, a champion able and willing to throw down the glove in my behalf, to maintain and practice my ancient rights, to proclaim unto the death my indisputable sovereignty. A canting spirit on the one side, and an affected one on the other, odious and horrible as the pestilential birds of fable, have too long been permitted to flap their noxious wings in the face of jolly wisdom; insomuch that the plump, cheerful dame, was hardly able to sit in her arm-chair, and scarcely dared to grin her delight at the farce of life, enacted about her. Hypocrisy, with her army of self-taught preachers, almost "poor-souled" her to her grave; whilst finical and fashionable abstinence nearly brought the old soul to death's door, without giving her a struggle for her mortality. But the day of regeneration is arrived, and the shout of" up, up and be doing," hath gone abroad from the south even unto the north, and the east and the west winds shall do my bidding. My "regular pewter quart" shall take its glorious stand again, and the "brown jug" shall "foam" its spirit forth in the high places, and at the jovial feast board. My monarchy shall again flourish in the year of ante-cant twenty-four. Burton Ale-house, 1 o'clock, p. m. 1. EDITOR of John Bull, Friend of the bottle, Shout with glad voice and full, Hark to the summons; 2. Come from the deep" shades," And true heart that wears one, And clear pipe that cheers one. 3. Quit dull cheer-shirk small beer, Come and bring deftly here, With this song, in the prayer of which we coincide, we have done, first chaunting a bellman's verse: Begging all reading people to remember, vember, JOHN BARLEYCORN, Commonly called Sir John Barleycorn. RHYMING POSTSCRIPT. ONE Percival has in the press a History of Italy, And Dibdin has some Comic Tales-I hope they're written wittily: Letters, Our old friend Vaudoncourt will give us all histen to his betters. And Horace Walpole's friends the trash h' has The Travels, too, of General the Baron Minatoli Will soon be out I hope they won't, like some folks, prove his folly. And Southey's Hist'ry of the Indies, (I don't mean the Laureat) And old Monsieur Lamarck's New Illustrations of Conchology. A novel, called Gilmore-and Mr. Bowditch's Madeira, And Surgeon Fosbrooke gives us, in his tome upon the Ear, ara CT A A, Wilson promises some tales we know not grave or merry ik 199 Then Cochrane tells us how he liv'd for two years in Columbia, sbai How we can ever get a rhyme for Morini's Monumenta, [sbem Or Wentworth's Australasia, unless we could invent a New set of words that one might use on difficult occasions. 10 19dm On a Hyæna's den and some Outinian on the Drama, Will write some trash about the Wines of Germany and France, And Mr. Galt has Rothelan, a Story, in the press, And some one else has Naval Sketches printing---I confess FireSome verses of the above, like Southey's Thalaba, require a verse-mouth to read them otherwise they might be taken for a hobbling sort of prose. But even if they were, good readers, you need not break your hearts about it,-Need you? OUR last set of specimens had their due effect. In every sense of the word they told well; and that being the case, we should be rather absurd if we did not continue them. As we have not now the necessity of writing a prospectus, or preface, we shall double our dose, and solace our readers with four-and-twenty jests instead of twelve. The Roman supper suggested another pun to old Sir John Sylvester. A thief, who was convicted before him, was proved to have commenced his career of vice by egg-stealing, from which he proceeded to other acts of depravity. "Yes," said Sir John, "ab ovo usque ad mala." 4. TWO KINDS OF TENDER. Mr. Garrow was once cross-examining an old woman, who was witness in a property cause. He wished to elicit from her that his client had made a fair VOL. I. The first article of the last number of Blackwood's Magazine, No. 92, ends with the following sentence: "Heaven preserve our country! when its children are taught to strip themselves naked, that their enemies may obtain their clothing, and to throw themselves into the flames, that they may avoid the pinching influence of the northern blast; and when they are, moreover, taught that this alone is knowledge, light, and wisdom." [Signed] "Y. Y. Y.” "A very appropriate signature," said John Murray, when he read it, " and quite in keeping with the last word, for where should wisdom come from but the wise?" [y's.] 6. BIBLICAL COMMENT. In the 109th Psalm, the 18th verse, are these words:-" He clothed himself with cursing as with a garment." “Pray, sir,” said a lady to the Irish chief-justice Bushe, "what is the meaning of that expression?"-" Evidently, madam," replied his lordship," that the person alluded to had a habit of swearing." 7. OFFENCE AND DEFENCE. Adolphus was once examining an officer, who had been assaulted in the dusk of evening by three or four ruffians, whom he was prosecuting. The lawyer wished to shew that the light was too obscure to permit him to identify his assailants properly. The officer still swore point-blank, and said, "that he could not be mistaken in their faces.""What, sir,” said Adolphus, “ do you pretend to say that you had leisure, in such a scuffle, minutely to examine their faces?" Mr. Adolphus," replied the witness, "if you had studied the art of defence as much as you practice the art of offence, you would know that when a man is engaged in such a contest, the face is the part he ought to look at." 8. DIFFERENCE OF CONJUGAL TREAT Counsellor Isaac Bethel, of Dublin, the gentleman who lately made himself a little conspicuous by saying, in an Irish court, on seeing Mr. Canning leave it just before he got up to speak, "that the right honourable gentleman had done wrong in going away at that period, when he was about to hear a favourable specimen of Irish eloquence," like a great many other great men, happened occasionally to get a little into debt. While in a predicament of this kind, he happened to be met by a cre ditor, whom he in vain had endeavoured to avoid. Bethel was mounted, and the unpleasant friend advanced, who, his however, was not anxious to ope communication at once. In order, therefore, to glide into the conversation gradually, he began to praise Bethel's poney. "It is very pretty, indeed," said he, "but rather a queer queer colour." "What colour is it ?"—" Why," said Bethel, "they tell me it is sorrel, but I think it rather near a dun. Good morning, sir." And so he rode off. nothing but pomatum.”—“ Why, sir," would be often exclaimed," pomatum ! the thing's impossible;" which the old general would cut short by saying “possible or impossible, I say it is a fact, and I do not understand being contradicted." Of course, this put an end to the discussion. aisy about that, ma'am, when a soldier's head is carried off in action he's in heaven before ever the devil knows that he's dead." 18. An officer of the 100th regiment having overdrawn on the paymaster, was refused further supplies; but, having by him a bill drawn twenty days after sight, he had retained it until the twenty days were elapsed, when, coming to the paymaster, and throwing a scrap of dirty paper, which had been soiled and chafed in his pocket for three weeks, he said, "There 'tis, I with great complacency, you don't care a d-n for you; there's a bill for twice the sum I owe you, and its out of sight too." But, on one occasion, a friend ventured to ask him if it were common po'matum, and how it was made? "Why," said the general, "sometimes, when we would be in luck, of bread and water, but commonly of horse-beans."-" Oh, sir," replied his friend, "that is panada.' Aye, aye," cried the general, say right-panada, panada-curse my stupid head-it was panada I meant all the time." 66 66 " Lord Lowther, at the commencement of the anti-jacobin war, made government the magnificent present of a seventy-four, fully-rigged, equipped, and manned at his own expense. This was one of the chief reasons which obtained for him the continuation of his honours in the line of his cousin. The choice of title was, as usual, left himself, and he was divided in mind as to which portion of his estates he should take it from. He consulted Kemble on the occasion, who told him, "that indeed it was little matter what name he chose, because," added the tragedian, "if you be made a peer at all, you will be perpetually addressed by the name to which you owe your honours, for every body will call you lord-ship." 17. MILITARY CREED. When the 89th regiment had taken up their ground, prior to the battle of the Falls of Niagara, part of the lightcompany, who had been in advance in the former part of the day, were dressing dinners in a house hard by, the good woman of which happened to be of the evangelical persuasion, and was much scandalised by the profane swearing that accompanies most of the operations of that respectable corps. She found it necessary to rebuke them for their sinful discourse, and told them, at the same time, that, as soldiers going into action, profanity was more inexcusable than at any other time," for," argued she," suppose your head was to be carried off by a cannon-shot, where would you go, do you think?”—“ O,” replied one of the lads "make yourself 19. CAUSE AND Effect. Captain Gordon, -th regiment, on his homeward-bound voyage from India, had rather a stormy passage; and, observing that an old gander, in the coop, always made a great noise before a gale, at last hit upon an expedient to have the remainder of the voyage calm and smooth. "That gander," said Duncan, (for he was a Celt) "always cackles and brings on a gloom, now if she would just kill her there would be no storm at all." 20. A noble peer, who shall be nameless, had a matrimonial with his lady, who exercised her on him so effectually, as to leave visible marks on his physiognomy. His lordship complained of it the next morning to Commissioner Johnson, telling him, that if he had not interposed the curtain between his face and his lady's fingers, he would have fared worse. "That was good generalship, on your part," said the commissioner, "to retreat between the curtain, when you were worsted at the tenailles" [ten nails.] |