noble guest, and she hurried down stairs to receive him in breathless expectation. Having stationed herself in the middle of the hall, the door was thrown open. The provost descended first, bowing to the ground. The deacon, who had sat in the middle, for the sake of interpreting, followed, and last of all, handed by the other two, came the object of all her solicitude. Dazzled by the splendour of his oriental costume, she dropped a curtsey so low that she almost seated herself on the floor; upon recovering herself, she ventured to take a glance at the illustrious stranger, when, struck with a panic, she descried, through soot and grease, the features of the recreant John, whose absence during the bustle 166 “What is she had so often bemoaned. the meaning of this?" demanded the lady, in a tone that shewed that evasion was out of the question. Bonny mas ter," hiccuped John-human patience could hear no more, one cuff laid the tottering prince prostrate at her feet, the barber bolted with the energy of a roebuck, upsetting the post-boy, who stood grinning at the door, and never slacked his speed until, as he asserted, the roaring of the Esk drowned the voice of the enraged lady, admonishing, in the highest key it could reach, alternately her husband and the now totally insensible Indian prince. Westminster, 18th Sept. 1. A RUM DITTY ON RUM. I DON'T envy fair France her champagne, Nor the land of the German his hock, No sigh do I utter in vain For the grape-juice of Portugal's stock; Let the wine-bibbers revel in these, If they let me but tickle my gum, O'er my quid of tobacco, at ease, With a caulker of balmy old RUM. 2. Columbus deserves lasting fame, For the various fine things he found out, The Patlanders joy in his name, For he gave them potatoes no doubt. You may take it at morn as a dram, It is equally good as the three, When a bowl on a table is laid, With its glasses all stationed around, And the Chair to announce that 'tis made With his spoon makes the china to sound; I rejoice that I live in the times When the world to such polish has come, As to know the true value of limes, Lemons, sugar, spring-water, and RUM. 5. If Wilberforce washed his old throat We understand that rum punch has lately become so great a favourite in high quarters, that the present high and very absurd duty on this glorious liquor has some chance of being halved or quartered next session. We, for ourselves, should recommend the Chancellor of the Exchequer to blot it out entirely, and we undertake in one week to get to a petition, praying the same, ten thousand signatures in Liverpool and Glasgow alone. The Glasgow Pnnch Club, with Hunter and Kingan to head them, would, if necessary, appear personally at the bar of the house in support of the measure. THE TWELVE BELLS, A ALL who knew St. Mary Overy's, or St. Mary Orry's, or St. Mary Audry's, (let antiquaries settle which is the proper and orthodox appellation; for myself I don't care a pinch of snuff which it may be called,) in the borough of Southwark, must have been acquainted with a snug little public-house in one corner of it, which rejoiced in the emblematic device of twelve bells surrounded by clusters of the most blushing grapes that ever were painted, and any one who knew the house could not well fail to be acquainted with the worthy landlord, for a more facetious jolly fellow one would never wish to meet over a bowl of punch. The house had all the well-known altributes of a first-rate public-house, from the bar, with its pewter appendages, where rich cordials and compounds were dispensed to porters, coal-heavers, and fish-women-to the outer parlour or taproom, where sat the mechanic part of the customers, regaling themselves over a pint of ale, while they listened to some oracle who read for their edification a soiled and beer-soaked newspaper, commenting as he went along upon the contents, and wasting a vast deal of good advice upon ministry. I remember, in particular, among its inmates, one debauched drunken ruffian-looking scare crow-a fellow who had, by his folly and knavery, lost an excellent business, and gradually come down in the world; had visited, either for debt or crime, most of the prisons in the metropolis; and now was employed in collecting paragraphs for the newspapers, at the handsome rate of one-penny per line. This worthy used to descant to his audience, for hours together, on the guilt and prodigality of ministers, the hopelessness of continuing the peninsular war, and how much better things would be managed if men, like himself, were in power. Of this worthy, however, the tap-room was cleared, partly by the reyerses which Buonaparte met with in Russia, which shamed all his prophecies, but chiefly by a rule of mine host's, who allowed him to get a few shillings on his score, after which he never again honoured the tap-room with his presence, nor its inmates with his political philosophy. But in the inner parlour, which might be considered as the house of peers of this parish parliament, sat the TALE OF MY LANDLORD, select company of the house. These Besides these there was a younger class, pupils of Guy's and St. Thomas's hospitals; young fellows with all the mischief incident to their years, more especially when congregated in large bodies, and attending to one common object. These were the self-constituted conservators of decorum at the Surrey theatre, the sound of whose halloo and signal-whistle caused Dover-street to shake to its foundation; a body of whom even the police stood in awe, and between whom and that worthy power a kind of tacit understanding existed, that they were to wink hard at the irregularities of the pupil, while he, on the other hand, was to bestow his kicks and cuffs, in a street brawl, on any body rather than a watchman. This was their outof-door character. Within they assumed a more composed and dignified demea nour, acting as umpires and arbitrators in bets and other disputes, more espe cially when the subject was literary; as, for instance, whether a word should be spelled with an s or a c, or any other matter that implied greater learning than fell to the lot of the generality of the company. Another component part of this heterogeneous mass consisted in a number of the higher officers of the different policeoffices of the metropolis, and among that class is to be found as great a diversity of character as among any other craft or mystery in the world. Every shade and diversity was there, from the well-informed accomplished scholar down to the illiterate plebeian, who knew no language besides his own-if, indeed, he could be said to know even that-except the dialect in use among the adventurous spirits of the town, who, scorning to use the ordinary means of subsistence, tax, as an eminent writer has said of similar adventurers in another country, providence for a livelihood, and which tongue has been known by the various names of Dyot-street, Greek, Pedlers, French, &c. &c. if it would not be deemed more accurate to say, that this was their mother-tongue and ordinary English, the acquired language. These often regaled the company with accounts of their moving accidents, by lane and alley, some of which, at a future period, may be given to the company. So much for classes-but there was one amongst the group who must not be passed over quite so easily, as he 'made a prominent feature in the picture. This was no other than an old, somewhat corpulent, gouty Yorkshire schoolmaster. His visage, notwithstanding the quantity of various liquids with which he soaked himself, had not the rosy complexion of the jolly English bacchanal, but fell down in large flabby waves, as if it had been half melted and was seeking the ground by its own gravity. He might have been handsome in his youth, for his features were high and not badly formed, and his large black eye, though dimmed with age and ale, had still a flash of intelligence in it, that, when he told a good story (and of these he had no ordinary store), could not fail to attract the notice of his audience. His manner of telling a story too was quite peculiar to himself, and many is the time I have seen an unfortunate imitator attempt one of his tales to another andience, and be quite surprized at the phelgm and apathy with which they received an anecdote which had set the table in a roar when in better hands. In a corner of the room, and at the head of one of the long mahogany tables with which it is surrounded, in a comely arm-chair, sat mine host in person, pre siding over the company—he was, at the time I mention, on the verge of threescore-and-ten years, but still hale and active. He was generally dressed in a sober suit of dittos, as it is called, that is, the coat, waistcoat, and breeches of the same colour; and his head was surmounted with a well-frizzled brown wig, rather too small behind, so that a large portion of the junction of the head and neck were visible-his face was the very embodying of good-humoured intelligence, and his grey eye sparkled into animation as, with a slightly Irish accent, he cracked his jokes, or, to use the American expression, polled his fun at people. Mine host had acquired, without ever quitting his own fire-side, what many traverse the globe in quest of—a knowledge of mankind. With some this sense seems almost instinctive, with others it is acquired; while there are some again who seem as incapable of attaining it as a man without ear would be of acquiring a knowledge of music. With Boniface it seemed as if a strong mind, with an acute perception, had given him the power, and the numerous guests, with whom he was in daily familiar intercourse, furnished him the means of attaining this knowledge. His memory was the most extraordinary I ever met with-it was "Wax to receive, and marble to retain.” Nothing he had ever heard or read escaped him, and a man who had sat for years in the parlour of a house, so numerously and variously attended as the Twelve Bells, must hear a good deal of one kind of thing or another. His reading was various and extensive, but not, at the time I knew him, very well arranged. A great part of it was drawn from newspapers and magazines - he was quite au fait at all the stock jokes and anecdotes of the press, and piqued himself on detecting some things, of almost daily appearance, that were only changed in nanie from things that had appeared twenty years before. It is generally believed that he spent the latter days of his life, after retiring from business,in comp 1ing "The Percy Anecdotes," by which Mr. Boys, of Ludgate-hill, has acquired much fame, and also some little profit. Somehow or other I was a great favourite with the old man, and I had, from time to time, heard snatches of his history, but never a continuous narrative of his life, until one day that I accom panied him to visit the West-India docks, and to assist, with my council, in purchasing a pipe of Madeira and a puncheon of rum. On the day appointed I repaired to the rendezvous, and found the old gentleman spruced out most amazingly-a full suit of snuff-colour brown supplied the place of his ordinary costume; a new wig, with a more fierce and determined frizzle, decorated his capital; his large silver buckles shone with additional lustre ; a broad-brimmed hat and long gold-headed cane completed his equipment for travelling. We set out together, and few words were exchanged until we reached the centre of London-bridge, when my companion suddenly halted, and faced me. "It is curious to consider," said he abruptly," with what different prospects men enter on life, and what different results arise from them-here I stand a man, independent in the world, with a fortune much larger than I ever could have dreamt of possessing-yet, the first time I crossed this bridge, I was a wanderer and stranger, without a shilling in the world, nor did I know where I was to sleep, or how I could procure a single meal-I have often thought of telling you my story; and now that we are likely to be for a while uninterrupted, I shall give it vent." He then proceeded, as nearly as I can recollect, in the following words. 7 MY LANDLORD'S STORY. "My father was a respectable and was generally considered a wealthy farmer in Ireland. I was his only son, and was looked upon as a young man who would one day be heir to a considerable property, as, besides his farm, my father kept a well-frequented inn. He gave me such an education as is easily to be procured in most parts of our country; for, whatever the people of England may think, schools are as plenty and much cheaper there than in this country. As it was understood that I was to assist my father in his business, and, as he seemed to require but little assistance, 'I did little or nothing from the time I quitted school; at the age of fourteen, until I was in my nineteenth year, when an accident happened that shewed me that I had something else to do than merely to play. My father had been successful as a farmer and an innkeeper, but thought he could make more if he added to these the professions of a corn and cattle-dealer. Now, though he could 'cast up a reckoning with any man living, he was not quite equal to the multifarious calculations that a large and extensive business require. The result is soon told; he got into difficulties about bills, and soon after died, and it was found that his property, instead of yielding a handsome reversion to your humbler servant, was not sufficient to satisfy the claims of his creditors. Accordingly his house, goods, and stock, were sold, and I was turned at large upon the world, with the suit of clothes I stood upright in, six good shirts in a haversack, a prayer-book, an odd volume of the Spectator, and about fifteen shillings in money. "One does not like to be poor in the place where one has been comparatively rich, so I took the road for London, determined to be guided by circumstances as to what I should do when I arrived there; and arrive I did, as I told you before, without one shilling in my pocket. When I was crossing London-bridge whom should I meet but an Irish piper that I had often seen in my father's house. I was now sure I had a friend, and all my fears vanished at once. He made up to me immediately, was quite delighted to see me, and ran on with all the blarney that these fellows, who are obliged to truck prayers for potatoes, employ. He pitied me when I told him my misfortunes, but consoled me by telling me, that in London there was no want of employment for a young fellow who was able and willing to work for his bread. He offered to get my shirts washed for me by his wife, who, he was sure, would do much more than that for my father's son, and recommended me to a house, all the lodgers I of which were my own countrymen. I cannot say I could take much pride out of my compatriots, for such a set of raggamuffins I never before clapt eyes on. I called on my friend that night, but found that he and his wife had set off a few minutes after our interview, not forgetting to take my shirts along with them. I never saw my musical friend from that to this but once, and the only satisfaction I got of him was, to give him a beating that barely left the soul in him so here I was worse than ever, and devil a thing to turn my hand to. Under these circumstances, I can assure you I was a happy man to hear that the Thames had overflowed its banks, and that they were hiring Irish labourers to renew the embankments at nine-pence a day, and this was the first work I ever got in London, This was not a trade for a man to make a fortune upon; besides, in the course of time, we got the river fairly embanked again, so I was then turned adrift to seek my fortune any where I could find it, I was not long idle, for I hired myself to a Battersea gardener, one of the richest and most respectable in the trade, (he was treasurer to Coventgarden theatre, by the bye) and with him I worked for a year and a half. The wages of a gardener are, or at least were, small in proportion to that of other trades. The generality of the journey men were Scotch, who came there more for the purpose of becoming acquainted with the mode of managing hot-houses in England, than of making money immediately, and these were, in the course of a year or so, recommended according to their abilities, to be gardeners or under-gardeners to noblemen and gentlemen who applied to my master to supply them; and he, by a judicious use of his patronage, secured to himself a set of men who, from this motive, were more zealous and active than any other means could have made them. I had not been bred a gardener; but, as I saw that my master was a just and fair man to all whom he employed, I did every thing that labour and industry could accomplish to make up for my deficiency, and I found that I did not lose my reward. One day my master sent for me, and told me that, though I did not understand the business of a gardener, he still had a high opinion of my attention and fidelity; that a friend of his in the wool trade wanted a porter, and he had recommended me to the situation. I made him my best acknowledgements, and lost no time in taking possession of my new office. This was the best job I had taken in hand yet. The wages were good and the work not heavy, my principal business being to go errands, and sometimes to collect or pay small debts. In the course of time I became a favourite of my employer, and was entrusted with matters of more importance; so that, at last, I became more a clerk than a porter; and more unlikely things have happened, than that I should ultimately have become a partner in the concern, but a cross-grained accident demolished all my hopes in that way. A servant wench of my master's got with child, and the d- put it into her head to favour me with attributing the young gentleman to my gallant attentions. I might have been the father, God knows; but, to my certain knowledge, there were two or three at least who had just as good a claim to that honour; so, as I scorned to claim that which might belong to another, and had no means of satisfying the parish-officers, and less inclination to marry the girl, I e'en set off with myself, and left my good place and great expectations. Our house was in the Borough, so I took myself to the west-end, and having nothing better to do I called on a friend of mine who was head-cooper to a winemerchant in St. James's-street, to advise me what to do next. He told me that he could give me immediate employment in washing bottles, but that there was a club-house in St. James's-street, which got their wine from his master, which was in want of a cellar-man, and he recommended me to go immediately and apply for the situation. I told him I would take any situation I could get, but that I should wish to know what I had to do. This he explained to me in a very few words-I had only to take charge of the wine, see it bottled, keep an account of it, and it was essential that I should be a tolerable judge of wines, as it would be expected that I should know the various shades of difference of the liquors under my chargehere was a damper—I could just as soon be astronomer-royal to the observatory at Greenwich. I had occasionally seen port and sherry to be sure in my father's house, but that was so seldom and so long since, that I felt convinced that I should hardly know the one from the other. Upon stating this difficulty, my friend made very light of it-get you a good character, my boy, and I'll soon teach you to know wines--you wont be wanted at the house for a couple of months, and, in that time, the d-l's in it, if I don't put you up to something about it. Accordingly I set off to the club-house and was shewn to the master, who was at that moment under the hands of his hair-dresser. He asked me if I knew my business? I said I did, and so I did, but not the business he wanted me for. He asked me whom I had been with? I named my former master; on which he said, he did not recollect such a name In the trade, meaning the wine-trade, |