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farmer; a sort of subaltern character, in respect of which the world seems not invariably determined : it is, in short, what king Charles the Second esteemed the happiest of all stations; superior to the toilsome task and ridiculous dignity of constable, and as much inferior to the intricate practice and invidious decisions of a justice of peace. "Honest man," says I, "be so good as to inform me whether I am in the way to Mirlington?" He replied, with a sort of surliness, that he knew nothing of the matter; and turned away with as much disgust as though I had called him rogue or rascal.

I did not readily penetrate the cause of his displeasure, but proceeded on my way, with hopes to find other means of information. The next I met was a young fellow, dressed in all the pride of rural spruceness; and beside him, walked a girl, in a dress agreeable to that of her companion. As I presumed him by no means averse to appear considerable in the eyes of his mistress, I supposed a compliment might not be disagreeable; and inquiring the road to Mirlington, addressed him by the name of "Honesty." The fellow (whether to Ishow his wit before his mistress, or whether he was displeased with my familiarity, I cannot tell,) directed me to follow a part of my face (which I was well assured could be no guide to me,) and that other parts would follow of consequence.

The next I met, appeared, by his look and gait, to stand high in his own opinion. I therefore judged the best way of proceeding was to adapt my phrase to his own ideas, and saluting him by the name of "Sir," desired to obtain some insight into

my road. My gentleman, without hesitation, gave me ample instructions for the rest of my journey.

I passed on, musing with myself, why an appellation relative to fortune should be preferred to one founded on merit; when I happened to behold a gentleman examining a sun-dial in his garden. "Friend," says I, "will you tell me what a clock it is?" He made me no sort of answer, and seemed as much dissatisfied with my openness of temper, as with the confidence I placed in his. The refusal of an answer in this case was not of much importance. I proceeded on my way, and happened to meet a very old woman, whom I determined to accost by the appellation of "Dame;" and withal wished her a good night. But, alas! she seemed so little pleased with the manner of my address, that she returned me no manner of thanks for my kind wishes as to her repose. It is not clear whether my phrase was faulty, in regard to her dignity, or in respect of her age: but it is very probable she might conclude it an impropriety in respect of both.

I had by this time found the inconvenience of an utter ignorance in rural distinctions. The future part of my journey afforded me yet farther means of conviction. I was exposed to the danger of three quicksands, by calling a girl "sweetheart," instead of "madam ;" and was within a foot of rushing down a precipice, by calling another, Forsooth," who might easily have told me how to avoid it.

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In short, I found myself well or ill used, as I happened, or not, to suit my salutations to people's ideas of their own rank. Towards the last part of my stage, I was to pass a brook, so much swelled

by land-floods, that the proper way through it was undistinguishable. A well-dressed gentleman was passing a bridge on my left hand. It was here of much importance for me to succeed in my inquiry ; I was, therefore, meditating within myself which might be the most endearing of all appellations; and at last besought him to give me some instructions, under the name of " Honest Friend." He was not, seemingly, so much pleased as I assured myself he would be, and trudged onward without reply. After this, I had not gone many steps (out of the path, for so it proved) before I found myself and horse plunged headlong in the brook, and my late honest friend in laughter at our downfall.

I made a shift, however, to recover both myself and horse; and, after a few more difficulties, arrived at the end of my journey. I have since made strict inquiry into the due application of such inferior titles, and may, perhaps, communicate them to you on some future occasion: in the mean time, you may, if you please, consider the vast importance of superior titles, when there is no one so inconsiderable, but there is also a mind that it can influence.

When you reflect upon this subject, you will, perhaps, be less severe on your friend ****, who, you tell me, now trafficking for this species of dignity.

Learn to be wise, then, from others' harm, and donot forget to observe decorum on every occasion that you may have to address him for the future. Pretend no more, at the close of your epistle, to be his faithful servant, much less his affectionate one : tender your services with great respect, if you do

not choose to do it with profound veneration. He will certainly have no more to do with sincerity and truth. Remember,

"Male si palpere, recalcitrat."

XVIII. ON MODESTY AND IMPUDENCE.

WHEN a man of genius does not print, he discovers himself by nothing more than by his abilities in dispute. However, let him show solidity in his opinions, together with ease, elegance, and vivacity in his expressions; yet if an impudent face be found to baffle him, he shall be judged inferior in other respects: I mean, he will grow cheap in mixed company; for as to select judges, they will form their opinions by another scale: with these, a single epistle, penned with propriety, will more effectually prove his wit, than a hundred defects in his conversation will demonstrate the reverse.

It is true, there is nothing displays a genius, (I mean a quickness of genius,) more than a dispute; as two diamonds, encountering, contribute to each other's lustre. But, perhaps, the odds is much against the man of taste in this particular.

Bashfulness is more frequently connected with good sense, than we find assurance; and impu. dence, on the other hand, is often the mere effect of downright stupidity. On this account, the man of genius has as much the advantage of his antagonist, as a race-horse, carrying a small weight, has over his rival that bears a larger: modesty, like the weight to which I allude, not suffering its

owner to exert its real strength; which effrontery is allowed to do, without let or impediment.

It may be urged, and justly enough, that it is common to be partial to the modest man; and that diffidence makes good amends for any restraint it lays us under, by the prejudice it gives every hearer in our favour. But, indeed, this can only happen where it meets with the most ingenuous judges: otherwise a laugh will carry the day, with which the ignorant side is generally best accommodated.

In order to put these antagonists upon a somewhat more equal footing, I have invented the following instrument, for the sole structure and sale of which I am not without hopes of procuring a patent. What I mean, is an artificial laughter. There are few so little conversant in toys, but must have seen instruments mechanically framed to counterfeit the voices of different birds. The quail-pipe is brought to such perfection, as even to delude the very species: the cuckoo has been mimicked with no less accuracy. Would it not then be an easy matter to represent the laugh of this empty tribe, which has in itself something artificial, and is not more affected than it is particular? For the convenience of the person that bears it, its dimensions should be so contrived as that it might be played on in his pocket. Does it not seem feasible, that a laughter of this kind may be brought to answer every purpose of that noise which it resembles? If there be occasion for an expletive, let the owner seek it in his fob; as his antagonist would find his account in a loud oath or an empty pun. If there be need of a good sounding cadence at the close of a common period, it may not be amiss to harmo

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