our own; to regard the "human face "divine" with affection and esteem; he wound us up to be mere machines of pity, and rendered us incapable of withstanding the flighteft impulfe made either by real or fictitious distress; in a word, we were perfectly intructed in the art of giving away thousands be'fore we were taught the more neceffary qualifications of getting a farthing. I cannot avoid imagining, that thus refined by his leffons out of all my fufpicion, and divetted of even all the little cunning which Nature had given me, I resembled, upon my first entrance into the bufy and infidious world, one ' of thofe gladiators who were expofed with armour in the amphitheatre at Rome. My father, however, who had only feen the world on one fide, feemed to triumph in my fuperior dif'cernment; though my whole stock of wildom confifted in being able to talk like himself upon fubjects that once were ufeful, because they were then topics of the bufy world; but that now were utterly ufeleis, because connected with the bufy world no longer. begin to defpife us) they advised me, I fay, to go into orders. To be obliged to wear a long wig, when I liked a fhort one, or a black coat, when I generally dreffed in brown, I thought was fuch a reftraint upon my liberty, that I abfolutely rejected the propofal. A prieft in England is not the fame mortified creature with a bonze in China; with us, not he that faits beft, but eats beft, is reckoned the best liver; yet I rejected a life of luxury, indolence, and cafe, from no C other confideration but that boyish one of drefs. So that my friends were now perfectly satisfied I was undone; and yet they thought it a pity for one who had not the leaft harm in him, and was fo very good natured. Poverty naturally hegets dependance, and I was admitted as flatterer to a great man. At first I was furprized, that the fituation of a flatterer at a great man's table could he thought • disagre able; there was no great trouble in ittening attentively when his lordship fpoke, and laughing when he looked round for applaufe. This even good-manners might have obliged me to perform. I found, however, too foon, that his lordship was a greater dunce than my elf; and from that very moment flattery was at an end. I now rather aimed at fetting him right, than at receiving his abfurdities with fubmiffion: to flatter those we do not 'know is an eafy tafk; but to flatter intimate acquaintances, all whole foibles are ftrongly in our eye, is drudgery infupportable. Every time I now opened my lips in praife, my faifhood went to my confcience; his lord hip foon perceived me to be ve▼ unfit for fervice; I was therefore difcharged: my patron at the fame time being graciously pleafed to observe, that he believed I was tolerably goodnatured, and had not the leaft harm in The first opportunity he had of finding his expectations disappointed, was at the very middling figure I made in the univerfity; he had flattered himself that he fhould foon fee me rifing into the foremost rank in literary reputa. tion, but was mortified to find me utterly unnoticed and unknown. His difappointment might have been part. our ly afcribed to his having over rated < my talents, and partly to my dislike of mathematical reafonings at a time • when my imagination and memory, unfatisfied, were more eager after yet new objects, than defirous of reafoning upon thofe I knew. This did not, however, please my tutors, who obferved, indeed, that I was a little dull; but at the fame time allowed, that I feemed to be very "good-na"tured," and had no harm in me. After I had refided at college feven years, my father died, and left mehis bleffing. Thus hoved from thore without ill nature to protect, or cun6 ning to guide, or proper tores to fubfit me in fo dangerous a voyage, · was obliged to embark in the wide world at twenty-two. But, in order to fettle in life, my friends advised (for they always advife when they I me. ་ Difappointed in ambition, I had recourfe to love. A young lady, who lived with her aunt, and was poffelfed of a pretty fortune in her own difpefol, had given me, as I fancied, fome reaion to expect fuccefs. The fvmp-. toms by which I was guided were thriking; he had always laughed with me at her aukward acquaintance, and at her aunt among the number; fhe always • observed, friend, I always thought it would come to this. You know, Sir, I "would not advife you but for your 66 own good; but your conduct has hi"therto been ridiculous in the highett "degree, and fome of your acquaintance always thought you a very filly "fellow. Let me fee, you want two hundred pounds; do you only want two hundred, Sir, exactly?"" To "confefs a truth," returned I, "I fhail want three hundred; but then I "have another friend from whom I can "borrow the reft."-" Why, then," • obferved, that a man of fenfe would Yet ftill I had friends, numerous friends, and to them I was refolved to apply. O friendship! thou fond foother of the human breaft, to thee we fly in every calamity; to thee the wretched feck for fuccour; on thee the care-tired fon of mifery fondly relies; from thy kind affiftance the unfortunate always hopes relief, and may be ever fure of difappointment! My first application was to a city ferivener, who had frequently offered to ⚫ lend me money when he knew I did not want it. I informed him, that now was the time to put his friendship to the teft; that I wanted to borrow a couple of hundreds for a certain occafion, and was refolved to take it up from him. "And pray, Sir," cried my friend, "do you want all this "money?"-" Indeed I never wanted "it more," returned I. "I am forry "for that," tries the ferivener, "with "all my heart; for they who want money when they come to borrow, will "always want money when they should come to pay.' From him I flew with indignation to one of the bett friends I had in the world, and made the fame request. Indeed, Mr. Dry-bone," cries my replied my friend, "if you would "take my advice; and you know I "fhould not prefume to advise you but "for your own good, I would recom"mend it to you to borrow the whole "fum from that other friend; and then one note will ferve for all, you "know." Poverty now began to come fait upon me, yet inftead of growing more provident or cautious as I grew poor, 'I became every day more indolent and fimple. A friend was arrested for fifty pounds, I was unable to extricate him except by becoming his bail. When at liberty he fled from his creditors, and left me to take his place. • In prison I expected greater satisfactions than I had enjoyed at large. I hoped to converfe with men in this new world fimple and believing like myfelf, but I found them as cunning and as cautious as thofe in the world I had left behind. They fpunged up my money whilft it lafted, borrowed my coals and never paid them, and cheated me when I played at cribbage. All this was done because they believed me to be very good-natured, and knew that I had no harm in me. carious meal with the utmost good 'humour, indulged no rants of fpleen at my fituation, never called down 'heaven and all the ftars to behold me dining upon an half-penny-worth of radishes; my very companions were taught to believe that I liked fallad better than mutton. I contented my'felf with thinking, that all my life I 'fhould either eat white bread or brown; 'confidered that all that happened was beft, laughed when I was not in pain, took the world as it went, and read Tacitus often, for want of more books • and company. How long I might have continued in this torpid state of fimplicity I cannot tell, had I not been rouzed by feeing an old acquaintance, whom I 'knew to be a prudent blockhead, pre'ferred to a place in the government. I now found that I had purfued a wrong 'track, and that the true way of being ⚫ able to relieve others, was first to aim at independence myself. My immediate care, therefore, was to leave my prefent habitation, and make an en'tire reformation in my conduct and behaviour. For a free, open, undefigning deportment, I put on that of clofenefs, prudence, an economy. 'One of the most heroic actions I ever performed, and for which I fhall praife 'myself as long as I live, was the refufing half a crown to an old acquaintance, at the time when he want ed it, and I had it to fpare; for this alone I deferve to be decreed an ova uon. 'I now therefore pursued a course of uninterrupted frugality, feldom wanted a dinner, and was confequently invited to twenty. I foon began to get the character of a faving hunks that had money; and infentibly grew into elteem. Neighbours have afked my advice in the difpofal of their daughters, and I have always taken care not to give any. I have contracted a friendship with an alderman, only by obferving, that if we take a farthing 'from a thousand pound, it will be a thousand pound no longer. I have ⚫ been invited to a pawnbroker's table, by pretending to hate gravy; and am now actually upon treaty of marriage with a rich widow, for only having ' obferved that the bread was rifing. If I am asked a question, whether I know it or not, inftead of anfwering, I only fimile and look wife. If a charity is propofed, I go about with the hat, but put nothing in myself. a wretch folicits my pity, I obferve that the world is filled with impoftors, and take a certain method of not being deceived by never relieving. In fhort, I now find the trueft way of finding efteem even from the indigent, "is"to give away nothing, and thus "have much in our power to give." ever LETTER XXVIII. TO THE SAME. with friend in black, whofe converíation is now both my amusement and inftruction, I could not avoid obferving the great numbers of old bachelors and maiden ladies with which this city feems to be over-run. Sure marriage,' faid I,' is not fufficiently encouraged, or we 'fhould never behold fuch crowds of battered beaux and decayed coquets 'ftill attempting to drive a trade they have been fo long unfit for, and warming upon the gaiety of the age. I behold an old bachelor in the most contemptible light, as an animal that lives If tributing his fhare: he is a beaft of prey, and the laws fhould make use of as many fratagems, and as much force to drive the reluctant favage into the toils, as the Indians when they hunt the rhinoceros. The mob should be permitted to halloo after him, boys might play tricks on him with impu nity, every well-bred company fhould laugh at him, and if, when turned of fixty, he offered to make love, his miftrefs might fpit in his face, or, what would be perhaps a greater punishment, fhould fairly grant the favour. As for old maids,' continued I, they should not be treated with fo < upon the common ftock without con • much ་ could help it. I confider an un⚫ married lady declining into the vale of years, as one of thofe charming countries bordering on China that lies wafte for want of proper inhabitants. We are not to accufe the country, but the ignorance of it's neighbours, who are infenfible of it's beauties, though at liberty to enter and cultivate the foil.' " Indeed, Sir,' replied my companion, you are very little acquainted with the English ladies, to think they are old maids against their will. I dare venture to affirm that you can hardly fe⚫lect one of them all, but has had frequent offers of marriage, which, either pride or avarice has not made her reject. Instead of thinking it a dif grace, they take every occafion to boaft of their former cruelty; a foldier does not exult more when he counts over the wounds he has received, than • a female veteran when the relates the wounds fhe has formerly given: exhauttlefs when he begins a narrative of the former death-dealing power of her eyes. She tells of the knight in • gold lace, who died with a fingle frown, and never rofe again tillhe was married to his maid of the fquire, who being cruelly denied, in a rage, flew to the window, and lifting " the fafh, threw himfelf in an agony into his arm chair: of the parfon, who, crossed in love, refolutely fwallowed opium, which banished the • ftings of delpifed love by-making him fleep. In short, the talks over her former loffes with pleature; and, ⚫ like fome tradelman, finds confolation in the many bankruptcies the has fuf⚫fered. up For this reafon, whenever I fee a fuperannuated beauty itill unmarried, I tacitly accufe her either of pride, avarice, coquetry, or affectation. There's Mifs Jenny Tinderbox, I once remember her to have had fome beauty, and a moderate fortune. Her eldett fifter happened to marry a man of quality, and this feemed as a statute of virginity against poor Jane. Because there was one lucky hit in the family, fhe " was refolved not to difgrace it by introducing a tradefman; by thus rejecting her equals, and neglected or defpifed by her fuperiors, fhe now acts in the capacity of tutorefs to her fifter's children, and undergoes the drudgery ' of three fervants, without receiving the wages of one. Mifs Squeeze was a pawnbroker's daughter; her father had early taught her that money was a very good thing, and left her a moderate fortune at his death. She was fo perfectly fenfible of the value of what the had got, that fhe was refolved never to part with a farthing without an equality on the part of her fuitor; the thus refused feveral offers made her by people who wanted to better themfelves, as the faying is; and grew old and ill-na❤ tured, without ever confidering that fhe fhould have made an abatement in her pretenfions, from her face being pale, and marked with the smallpox. Lady Betty Tempeft on the contrary had beauty, with fortune and family. But, fond of conquest, she passed from triumph to triumph; fhe had read plays and romances, and there had learned that a plain man of common fenfe was no better than a fool; fuch the refufed, and fighed only for the gay, giddy, inconftant, and thoughtlefs. After he had thus rejected hundreds who liked her, and fighed for hundreds who defpifed her, the found herfelf infenfibly deferted: at prefent the is company only for her aunts and coulins, and fometimes makes one in a country-dance, with only one of the chairs for a partner, cafts off round a joint ftool, and fets to a corner cup. board. In a word, he is treated with civil conteinpt from every quarter, and placed, like a piece of old-fashioned lumber, merely to fill up a corner. But Sophronia, the fagacious Sophronia! how fhall I mention her? She was taught to love Greek, and hate the men from her very infancy: the < has ✦ has rejected fine gentlemen because they were not pedants, and pedants because they were not fine gentlemen; ⚫ her exquifite fenfibility has taught her <to discover every fault in every lover, and her inflexible justice has prevented W LETTER XXIX. FROM THE SAME. ERE we to eftimate the learning of the English by the number of books that are every day published among them, perhaps no country, not even China itself, could equal them in this particular. I have reckoned not lefs than twenty-three new books publifhed in one day, which upon computation makes eight thoufand three hundred and ninety-five in one year. Molt of thefe are not confined to one fingle fcience, but embrace the whole circle. Hiftory, politics, poetry, mathematics, metaphyfics, and the philofophy of nature, are all compriz.d in a manual not larger than that in which our children are taught the letters. If then we fuppofe the learned of England to read but an eighth part of the works which daily come from the prefs, (and fure none can pretend to learning upon lefs eafy terms) at this rate every fcholar will read a thoufand books in one year. From fuch a calculation you may conjecture what an amazing fund of literature a man must be poffeffed of, who thus reads three new books every day, not one of which but contains all the good things that ever were faid or written. And yet I know not how it happens, but the English are not in reality fo learned as would feem from this calculation. We meet but few who know all arts and fciences to perfection; whether it is that the generality are incapable of fuch extenfive knowledge, or that the authors of thofe books are not adequate inftructors. In China, the emperor himfelf takes cognizance of all the doctors in the kingdom who profefs authorthip. In England, every man may be an author that can write; for they have by law a liberty not only of faying what they pleafe, but of being alfo as dull as they pleate. Yesterday I teftified my furprize to the man in black, where writers could be found in fufficient number to throw off the books I daily faw crouding from the prefs. I at firft imagined that their learned feminaries might take this method of instructing the world. But to obviate this objection, my compassion ailured me, that the doctors of colleges never wrote, and that fome of them had actually forgot their reading-' But if you defire,' continued he, to fee a collection of authors, I fancy I can introduce you this evening to a club, which affembles every Saturday at feven, at the fign of the Broom near Llington, to talk over the bufinefs of the laft, and the entertainment of the 'week enfuing.' I accepted his invitation, we walked together, and entered the houfe fome time before the ufual hour for the company affembling. My friend took this opportunity of letting me into the characters of the principal members of the club; not even the hot excepted, who, it feems, was once an author himfelf, but preferred by a book eller to this fituation as a reward for his former fervices. The first perfon,' faid he, of our fociety, is Doctor Nonentity, a metaphyfician. Moft people think him ą profound fcholar; but as he feldom Ipeaks, I cannot be pofitive in that particular; he generally fpreads himfelf before the fire, fucks his pipe, talks little,drinks much, and is reckoned very good company. I'm told he writes indexes to perfection, he makes effays on the origin of evil, philofophical enquiries upon any fubject, and draws up an anfwer to any book upon twenty-four hours warning. You may diftinguish him from the reft of the company by his long grey wig, and the blue handkerchief round his neck. "The next to him in merit and efteera |