• Peripatetic footmen, a follower of Ariftippus for a valet de chambre, an Epicurean cook, with an Hermetical chymift (who are good only at making fires) for a fcullion.' Thus he is, in every particular, a fop of letters, a compleat claffical beau.

By a review I have lately made of the people in this great metropolis, as Cenfor, I find that the town fwarms with Book-wits. The playhouses, park, taverns, and coffee-houses, are thronged with them. Their manner, which has fomething in it very characteristic, and different from the town-bred coxcombs, difcovers them to the flighteft obferver. It is, indeed, no eafy matter for one, whofe chief employment is to store his mind with new ideas, to throw that happy vacancy, that total abience of thought and reflection, into his countenance, fo remarkable in our modern fine gentlemen. The fame lownging air too, that paffes for genteel in an univerfity coffee-houfe, is foon diftinguished from the genuine careless loll, and eafy faunter; and bring us over to the notion of Sir Wilful in The Way of the World, that a man should be bound prentice to a maker of fops, before he ventures to fet up for himself.'

Yet, in fpite of all these disadvantages, the love of pleasure, and a few fupernumerary guineas, draw the ftudent from his literary employment, and entice him to this theatre of noife and hurry, this grand mart of luxury; where, as long as his purfe can fupply him, he may be as idle and debauched as he pleafes. I could not help smiling at a dialogue between two of thefe gentlemen, which I overheard a few nights ago at the Bedford Coffee-houfe. Ha! Jack! fays one accofting the other, is it you? How long have you been in town? Two hours. How long do you stay?' Ten guineas. If you'll come to Venable's after the play is over, you'll find Tom Latine, Bob Claffic, and two or three more, who will be very glad to fee you. • What, you're in town upon the fober plan at your father's? But hearkye, Frank, if you'll call in, I'll tell your ⚫ friend Harris to prepare for you. So ⚫ your fervant; for I'm going to meet the finest girl upon town in the green • boxes,'

I left the coffee-house pretty late; and

as I came into the piazza, the fire in the Bedford-Arms kitchen blazed fo chearfully and invitingly before me, that I was eafily perfuaded by a friend who was with me, to end the evening at that house. Our good fortune led us into the next room to this knot of academical rakes. Their merriment being pretty boisterous, gave us a good pretext to enquire what company were in the next room. The waiter told us, with a smartnefs which thofe fellows frequently contract from attending on beaux and wits, Some gentlemen from Oxford with fome ladies, Sir. My malter is always very glad to fee them; for while they stay in town, they never dine or fup out of his houfe, and eat and drink, and pay better, than any ' nobleman.'

As it grew later, they grew louder: till at length an unhappy dispute arofe between two of the company, concerning the prefent grand conteft between the Old and the New Interest, which has lately inflamed Oxfordshire. This accident might have been attended with ugly confequences: but as the ladies are great enemies to quarrelling, unless themselves are the occafion, a goodnatured female of the company interpofed, and quelled their animofity. By the mediation of this fair-one, the dif pute ended very fashionably, in a bet of a dozen of claret, to be drank there by the company then prefent, whenever the wager fhould be decided. There was fomething fo extraordinary in their whole evening's converfation, fuch an odd mixture of the town and univerfity, that I am perfuaded, if Sir Richard had been witnefs to it, he could have wrought it into a scene as lively and entertaining as any he has left us.

I

The whole time thefe lettered beaux remain in London, is spent in a continual round of diverfion. Their sphere, indeed, is fomewhat confined; for they generally eat, drink, and fleep, within the precints of Covent-Garden. remember I once faw, at a public inn on the road to Oxford, a journal of the town tranfactions of one of thefe sparks; who had recorded them on a windowpane for the example and imitation of his fellow students. I fhall present my reader with an exact copy of this curious journal, as nearly as I can remember. MONDAY,

D

MONDAY. Rode to town in fix hours -faw the two laft acts of Hamlet-At night, with Polly Brown..

TUESDAY. Saw Harlequin Sorcerer -At night, Polly again.

WEDNESDAY. Saw Macbeth-At night, with Sally Parker, Polly engaged. THURSDAY. Saw the Sufpicious Husband-At night, Polly again.

FRIDAY. Set out at twelve o'clock for Oxford a damn'd muzzy place.

. There are no fet of mortals more joyous than these occafional rakes, whofe pride it is to gallop up to town once or twice in the year with their quarterage in their pockets, and in a few days to fquander it away in the highest scenes of luxury and debauchery. The tavern, the theatre, and the bagnio, engrofs the chief part of their attention; and it is conftantly Polly again with them, till their finances are quite exhaufted, and they are obliged to return (as Bookwit has it) ( to fmall-beer and three-halfpenny commons.'

for inferting it; and the learned reader will have the the additional pleasure of admiring it as an humorous imitation of Horace.

ICCI, BEATIS NUNC ARABUM INVIDES
GAZIS, &c.
LIB. I. ODE 29.

SO you, my friend, at last are caught-
Where could you get fo ftrange a thought,
In mind and body found?
All meaner ftudies you refign,
Your whole ambition now to fhine

The beau of the beau-monde.
Say, gallant youth, what well-known.name
Shall fpread the triumphs of your fame

Through all the realms of Drury?
How will you ftrike the gaping cit?
What tavern fhall record your wit?

What watchmen mourn your fury?
What fprightly imp of Gallic breed
Shall have the culture of your head,
(I mean the outward part)
Form'd by his parent's early care
To range in nicest curls his hair,

And wield the puff with art?
No more let mortals toil in vain,
By wife conjecture to explain

What rolling time will bring:
Thames to his fource may upwards flow,
Or Garrick fix foot high may grow,
Or witches thrive at Tring:

VIRG.

The oddity of this remark led me to reflect, if fuch an opinion fhould prevail in any country, what whimfical laws would be enacted, and how ridiculous they would appear, when put in execution. As if the horfe, that carried the highwayman, fhould be arraigned for taking a purfe, or a dog indicted for fel niously stealing a fhoulder of mutton. Such a country would feem to go upon the fame principles, and to entertain the fame notions of juftice, as

the

the puritanical old woman, that hanged her cat for killing mice on the Sabbathday.

Thefe reflections were continued afterwards in my fleep; when methought fuch proceedings were common in our own courts of judicature. I imagined myfelf in a spacious hall like the Old Bailey, where they were preparing to try feveral animals, who had been guilty of offences against the laws of the land. The walls, I obferved, were hung all round with bulls hides, fheep skins, foxes tails, and the spoils of other brute malefactors; and over the justice-feat, where the King's-arms are commonly placed, there was fixed a large ftag's head, which overshadowed the magistrate with it's branching horns. I took particular notice, that the galleries were very much crouded with ladies: which I could not tell how to account for, till I found it was expected that a Goat would that day be tried for a rape.

The feffions foon opened; and the firft prifoner that was brought to the bar, was a Hog, who was profecuted at the fuit of the Jews on an indictment for burglary, in breaking into their fynagogue. As it was apprehended that religion might be affected by this caufe, and as the profecution appeared to be malicious, the Hog, though the fact was plainly proved against him, to the great joy of all true Chriftians, was allowed benefit of clergy.

An indictment was next brought againit a Cat for killing a favourite Canary bird. This offender belonged to an old woman, who was believed by the neighbourhood to be a witch. The jury, therefore, were unanimous in their opinion, that he was the devil in that hape, and brought her in guilty. Upon which the judge formally pronounced fentence upon her, which I remember concluded with these words: You must be carried to the place of execution, where you are to be hanged by the neck nine times, till you are dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead; and the fidlers have mercy upon your guts!'

A Parrot was next tried for Scanda

lum Magnatum, He was accufed by the chief magiftrate of the city, and the whole court of aldermen, for defaming them, as they paffed along the ftreet, on a public feftival, by finging

Room for cuckolds, here comes a great company;

Room for cuckolds, here comes my lord 'mayor.'

This Parrot was a very old offender; much addicted to fcurrility; and had been several times convicted of profane curfing and fwearing. He had even the impudence to abufe the whole court by calling the jury rogues and rafcals; and frequently interrupted my lord judge in fumming up the evidence, by crying out- Öld bitch. The court, however, was pleafed to fhew mercy to him, upon the petition of his mistress, a strict Methodist; who gave bail for his good behaviour, and delivered him over to Mr. Whitfield, who undertook to make a thorough convert of him.

After this a Fox was indicted for robbing an Hen-rooft. Many farmers appeared against him; who depofed, that he was a very notorious thief, and had long been the terror of ducks, geefe, turkies, and all other poultry. He had infefted the country a long time, and had often been purfued, but they could never take him before. As the evidence was very full against him, the jury roadily brought him in guilty, and the judge was proceeding to condemn him, when the fly villain, watering his brush, flirted it in the face of the jailer, and made off. Upon this a country squire, who was prefent, hollowed out

Stole

away!' and an hue and cry was immediately fent after him.

When the uproar, which this occafioned, was over, a Milch Afs was brought to the bar, and tried for contumeiioufly braying, as the ftood at the door of a fick lady of quality. It ap peared, that this lady was terribly afflicted with the vapours, and could not bear the leaft noife; had the knocker always tied up, and itraw laid in the street. Notwithstanding which, this audacious creature used every morning to give her foul language, which broke her reft, and flung her into hysterics, For this repeated abufe the criminal was fentenced to the pillory, and ordered to lofe her ears.

An information was next laid against a fhepherd's Dog upon the Game-Act for poaching. He was accused of killing an hare, without being properly qualified. But the plaintiff thought it adviseable to quafh the indictment, as D 2

the

the owner of the Dog had a vote to fell at the next election.

There now came on a very important caufe, in which fix of the most eminent council learned in the law were retained on each fide. A Monkey, belonging to a lady of the first rank and fashion, was indicted, for that he with malice prepenfe did commit wilful murder on the body of a Lap-dog. The council for the profecutor fet forth, that the unfortunate deceafed came on a vifit with another lady; when the prifoner at the bar, without the leaft provocation, and contrary to the laws of hofpitality, perpetrated this inhuman fact. The council for the prifoner, being called upon to make the Monkey's defence, pleaded his privilege, and infifted on his being tried by his peers. This plea was admitted; and a jury of beaux was immediately impannelled, who without going out of court, honourably acquitted him. The proceedings were here interrupted by an Hound, who came jumping into the hall, and running to the justice feat, lifted up his leg against the judge's robe. For this contemptuous behaviour, he was directly ordered into cuftody; when to our great furprife he caft his fkin, and became an Oftrich; and prefently after fhed his feathers, and terrified us in the fhaggy figure of a Bear. Then he was a Lion, then an Horfe, then again a Baboon; and after many other amazing transformations, leaped out an Harlequin, and before they could take hold of him, skipped away to Covent Garden theatre.

I

It would be tedious to recount the particulars of feveral other trials. A fportfman brought an action against a Race-Horfe, for running on the wrong fide of the poft, by which he loft the plate and many confiderable bets. For this the criminal was fentenced to be burnt in the fore-hand, and to be whipt at the cart's tail. A Mare would have undergone the fame punishment, for throwing her rider in a ttag-hunt, but efcaped by pleading her belly; upon which a jury of grooms was impannelled, who brought her in quick. The com pany of Dogs and Monkeys, together with the Dancing Bears, who were taken up on the Licence-Act, and indicted for ftrollers, were tranfported for life.

The laft trial was for high treafon. A Lion, who had been long confined as a ftate-prifoner in the Tower, having broken jail, had appeared in open rebellion, and committed feveral acts of vio lence on his majefty's liege fubjects. As this was a noble animal, and a prince of the blood in his own native country, he was condemned to be beheaded. It came into my thoughts, that this Lion's Head might vie with that famous one, formerly erected at Button's for the fervice of the GUARDIAN: I was accordingly going to petition for leave to put it up in Macklin's new coffee-bouse; when methought the Lion, fetting up a most horrible roar, broke his chains, and put the whole court to flight; and I awaked in the utmoft confternation, just as I imagined he had got me in his gripe.

PERSIUS.

Shall this day prefent my readers with a letter, which I have received from my cousin VILLAGE, who, as I informed them in my firt paper, has undertaken to fend me an account of every thing remarkable that paffes in the country.

DAAR COUSIN,

I Have not been unmindful of the province which you was pleafed to allot me: but the whole country has been

W

lately fo much taken up with the business of elections, that nothing has fallen under my notice, but debates, fquabbles, and drunken rencounters. The fpirit of party prevails fo univerfally, that the very children are inftructed to lifp the names of the favourite chiefs of each faction; and I have more than once been in danger of being knocked off my horfe, as I rode peaceably on, becaufe I did not declare with which party I fided, though I

knew

knew nothing at all of either. Every petty village abounds with the most profound ftateimen: it is common to fee our ruftic politicians affembling after fermon, and fettling the good of their country across a tomb-ftone, like fo many Dilators from the plough; and almost every cottage can boat it's patriot, who, like the old Roman, would not exchange his turnip for a bribe.

I am at prefent in ****, where the election is just coming on, and the whole town confequently in an uproar. They have for feveral parliaments returned two members, who recommended themfelves by conftantly opposing the court: but there came down a few days ago a banker from London, who has offered himfelf a candidate, and is backed with the most powerful of all interefts, money. Nothing has been fince thought of but featting and revelling; and hoth parties strive to outdo each other in the frequency and expence of their entertainments. This indeed is the general method made ufe of to gain the favour of electors, and manifett a zeal for the conftitution. I have known a candi date depend more upon the ftrength of his liquor than his arguments; and the merits of a treat has often recommended a member, who has had no merits of his own. For it is certain, that people, however they may differ in other points, are unanimous in promoting the grand business of eating and drinking.

It is impoffible to give a particular account of the various diforders occafioned by the conteft in this town. The ftreets ring with the different cry of each party; and every hour produces a ballad, a fet of queries, or a ferious addrefs to the worthy electors. I have feen the mayor with half the corporation roaring, hollowing, and reeling along the ftreets, and yet threatening to clap a poor fellow into the ftocks for making the fame noife, only becaufe he would not vote as they do. It is no wonder, that the ftrongest connections fhould be broken, and the most intimate friends fet at variance, through their difference of opinions. Not only the men, but their wives, are alfo engaged in the fame quarrel. Mr. Staunch the haberdasher ufed to smoke his pipe conftantly in the fame kitchen corner every evening, at the fame alehoufe, with his neighbour Mr. Veer the chandler, while their ladies chatted together at the ftreet-door: but

now the husbands never speak to each other; and confequently Mrs. Veer goes a quarter of a mile for her inkle and tape, rather than deal at Mr. Staunch's fhop; and Mrs. Staunch declares, the would go without her tea, though the has always been used to it twice a day, rather than fetch her halff-quartern from that turncoat Veer's.

Wherever politics are introduced, religion is always drawn into the quarrel. The town I have been speaking of, is. divided into two parties, who are distinguifhed by the appellation of Christians and Jews. The Jews, it feems, are those who are in the intereft of a nobleman who gave his vote for paffing the Jew bill, and are held in abomination by the Chriftians. The zeal of the latter is still further inflamed by the vicar, who every Sunday thunders out his anathemas, and preaches up the pious doctrine of perfecution. In this he is feconded by the clerk, who is careful to enforce the arguments from the pulpit, by felecting itaves proper for the occafion.

This truly Chriftian fpirit is no where more manifeft than at their public feafts. I was at one of their dinners, where I found great variety of pig mear was provided. The table was covered from one end to the other with hams, legs of pork, sparibs, grifkins, haflets, feet and ears, brawn, and the like. In the middle there smoked a large barbicued hog, which was foon devoured to the bone, fo defirous was every one to prove his Chriftianity, by the quantity he could fwallow of that Anti-Judaic food. Af ter dinner there was brought in, by way of deffert, a difh of hogs-puddings; but as I have a diflike to that kind of diet, (though not from any fcruple of confcience) I was regarded as little better than a Jew for declining to eat of them.

The great fupport of this party is an old neighbouring knight; who, ever fince the late Naturalization-Act, has conceived a violent antipathy to the Jews, and takes every opportunity of railing at the above-mentioned nobleman. Sir Rowland fwears, that his Lordship is worse than Judas, that he is actually circumcifed, and that the chapel in his houfe is turned into a fynagogue. The knight had never been seen in a church till the late clamour about the Jew-Bill; but he now attends it regularly every Sunday, where he devoutly

takes