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N° XCVI. THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1755.

-SEX PARATUR AUT DECEM SOPHOS NUMMIS.

SECRETA QUERE CARMINA, ET RUDES CURAS,
QUAS NOVIT UNUS, SCRINIOQUE SIGNATAS
CUSTODIT IPSE VIRGINIS PATER CHARTE.
MERCARE TALES AB EO, NEC SCIET QUISQUAM.

MARTI

WOULD YOU THE NAME OF AUTHOR NOT REFUSE,
WE'VE PENN'ORTHS FOR YOUR PENNY, PICK AND CAUSE:
WE'VE PLAYS OR POEMS, READY MADE FOR SALE;
WITH WIT AND HUMOUR, WHOLESALE OR RETAIL,
ON THESE THE PUBLIC BREATH HAS NEVER BLOWN;
BUY THEM, AND FAIRLY CLAIM THEM FOR YOUR OWN.

TO MR. TOWN.

MONG the many Register-Of

Afices erected within thefe few years paft, I am surprised that no fcheme of the like nature has been thought of for the fervice of literature; and that no place has been fet apart where Literary Commodities of every fort might be dif. pofed of: where men of learning might meet with employment; and where others, who want their affiftance, might be fure to meet with men of learning. There is nothing of this kind in being at prefent, except among the bookfellers; who, indeed, have made a monopoly of the trade, and engroffed the whole market to themselves. To remedy this inconvenience, my design is to fet up a Literary Regifter-Office: for which purpose I intend to hire the now ufelefs theatre in Lincoln's Inn Fields, and convert it into a mart for the ftaple commodities of the literary commonwealth. I fhall here fit up apartments for the reception of my authors, who will be employed' from time to time in fupplying the public with the requifite manufactures. This fcheme will, I doubt not, meet with great encouragement, as it is of general utility: and I do not remember any defign of the fame nature, except at a barber's on the other fide the water, who has hung out a board over his fhop with the following infcription Letters read and written for Servants and • Others.'

I fhall always have a fresh affortment of goods in the belt tafte and newett fafhion: as of Novels for example, while the humour of reading them is prevalent among all ranks of people. For this

branch I fhall retain a very eminent Mafter Novelift, to cut out adventures. and intrigues, and fhall employ a proper number of hands to tack them to

gether with all poffible care and expe dition: and if any ladies of quality, or others, chufe to furnifh their own materials for Memoirs and Apologies, they may have them done up, and be fitted exactly, at my Office. Besides feveral others, which my men fhall get up with the greatest dispatch, I can allure I have my felf worked night and day, and have already finished fix and thirty feets of the Hiftory of Mifs Sukey Sapling, Written by Herself.

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Pamphlets of all forts fhall be com pofed, whenever any popular fubject tarts up that is likely to engage the attention of the public. Every new play fhall be followed by an Examen or Re marks: all riots at either playhouse will afford fcope for Letters to the Managers, and every new actor or actress produce theatrical Criticifms. Poetry, you know, Mr. Town, is a mere drug; but Lfall always have a number of ready-made Odes by me, which may be fuited to any great man, dead or alive, in place or out of place. I shall alfo have a large bundle of Poems on feveral Occafions, very proper for any gentleman or lady who chutes to publish by fubfcription befides a more ordinary fort of Hymns to the Morning; Verfes on the Death of; Odes to Mifs A. B. C. Acto fics and Rebules, for the ufe of the Magazines; to be fold a pennyworth, with allowance to thofe who take a great quantity.

With regard to Law matters, as they have no fort of connection with wit of learning, I fhall not concern my felf with

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their unintelligible jargon; nor prefume to interfere with thofe authors in parchment, who meafure their words by the foot rule, and fell their writings at fo much per line. However, I fhall furnish young Students of the feveral Inns of Court with compleat Canons of Criticism, and Opinions on any new theatrical Cafes; on which they may argue very learnedly at a tavern, or plead at the bar of a coffee-house. For Medical fubjects, I fhall procure a learned Graduate by Diploma from abroad, whose practice will not fo much take up his time as to prevent his being at leifure to write occafional treatifes, fetting forth the virtues of any newly invented Powder, or newly-difcovered Water. He shall alfo draw up the advertisements for medicines that renove all diseases, and are never known to fail; he fhall compile the wonderful accounts of their furprising cures; and furnish cafes that never happened, and affidavits that were never made. With refpect to Divinity, as I have reafon to believe that controverfial writings will be often called for, I intend to bargain with the Robin Hood Society to undertake in the lump to furnish my Office with defences of Lord Bolingbroke, &c. and till I can procure fome poor curate out of the country, or fervitor from the univerfity, to write the Manufcript Sermons of eminent Divines lately deceased, warranted Originals, I must make shift with the Fleet Parfons now out of bufinefs.

Though I fhall not keep any dramatic works ready made by me, (as thefe commodities are apt to grow ftale and out of fashion) yet either of the theatres may be ferved with tragedy, come dy, farce, or the like, by befpeaking them, and giving but three days notice. For the comic pieces I fhall employ a poet who has long worked for the drolls at Bartholomew and Southwark fairs, and has even printed a comedy, as it was half acted at Drury Lane. My tragedies will be furnished by a NorthBriton, who walked up to London from his native country laft winter with a most fublime tragedy in his coat-pocket, and which is now to be difpofed of to the best bidder. Any old play of Shakespeare or Ben Johnson fhall be pieced with modern ones according to the prefent tatte, or cut out in airs and recitative for an English Opera. Songs for Pan

tomimes may be had, to fet to the clack of a mill, the tinkling of a tin cascade, or the flaps of Harlequin's wooden fword. The proprietors of our public Gardens, during the fummer feafon, may be alfo fupplied from my Office with Love-ditties to a new Burthen, or comic Dialogues in Crambo; and words fhall at any time be fitted to the music, after the tunes are compofed.

As I propofe to make my Office of general utility, every thing that bears the leaft affinity to literature will be naturally comprehended in my Scheme. Members of Parliament may be supplied with Speeches on any political fubject; and Country Juftices may, on directing a letter (poft-paid) to the Office, have Charges to the Jury at the Quarter Seffions fent down to them by the first coach or waggon. Addrelles on particular occafions fhall be drawn up for the worshipful Mayor and Aldermen of any city or corporation; Laws, Rules, Regulations, or Orders, fhall be formed for the Anti-Gallicans, Ubiquarians, Gregorians, or any other private clubs and focieties. N. B. The Free Mafons may depend upon fecrecy.

Many advantages may likewife accrue to the polite world from the establishment of my Office. Gentlemen and ladies may have Billet doux written for them with the moft foft and languishing expreffions: Meffage Cards, and Invitations to Routs, fhall be filled up and circulated, at fo much per hundred, or undertaken in the grofs at a fixed price all the year round. Beaux may be accommodated with letters of gallantry to fend to their laundreffes, or have them copied out in a fashionable female scrawl, and directed to themfelves. Gentlemen who love fighting, but cannot write, may have challenges penned for them in the true ftile and spirit of a modern Blood.

There are many other conveniencies arifing from fuch an Office, which it would be too tedious to enumerate: and it will be found to be no lefs beneficial to you authors, Mr. Town, than thofe other Regifter-Offices are to men and maid- fervants. If an author, for example, wants employment, or is out of place, he has nothing to do but to enter his name with me, and I fhall presently get Lim work; or if a bookseller wants an hand for any particular job, (as a tranflation-spinner, a novel-weaver, a

play

play-wright, a verfe turner, or the like) upon fearching my books he will be fure to meet with a man fit for the business. In short, any compofition, in profe or rhyme, and on any fubject, may be procured at a minute's warning, by applying to my office; and I dare fay, you yourself, Mr. Town, will be very glad now and then to purchase a Connoiffeur of me, whenever the idle fit feizes you.

If that should happen to come upon you this week, and you have nothing better, you will oblige me by laying the Scheme here fent before your readers; and in return, you fhall have the credit of publifhing your papers at my Office, as foon as it is opened, and welcome. I am, Sir, your humble fervant, J. WITSELL.

N° XCVII. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1755.

DE TE PENDENTIS, TE RESPICIENTIS AMICI.

HOR.

YOUR FRIEND, YOUR PIMP, YOUR HANGER-ON, WHAT NOT?
YOUR LACQUEY, BUT WITHOUT THE SHOULDER-KNOT.

Remember to have heard a confin of mine, who was formerly at Cambridge, often mentioning a fect of Philofophers, diftinguished by the rest of the collegians under the appellation of Tuft bunters. Thefe were not the dif ciples of the Stoics or Epicureans, or the advocates for the od or new philofophy, but the followers (iterally speaking) of the fellow commoners, noblem n, and other rich ftudents, whom it feems the courtesy of the Un.verity has honoured with a cap adorned with a gold taffel. Thefe gold threads have almost as much influence in the Un verfity, as a red or a blue ribband at court; and always draw after the wearer a train of humbie companions, who will be at his call to breaklatt, dine, or fup with him, when ever he pleases; will go with him any where, drink with him, wench with him, borrow his money, or let him pay their reckoning. They are, I am told, a fort of difeafe of the place, which a man of fortune is fure to catch as foon as he arrives there; and thefe faft friends ftick fo close to him, that he can never fake them off while he keeps his gown on his back.

The University of London is not without it's Tuft-hunters, who falten, like leeches, on a young man of fortune at his fi ft coming to town. They befet him as foon as he arrives, and when they have once furrounded him, feldom fail of fecuring him to themselves; for no perfons of character care to have any connections with him, when he has been frequently feen in fuch bad company. It is a great misfortune for any young gentleman to fall into their hands:

though indeed, as a fool is the natural prey of knaves, the wealthy maintainers of this fraternity are generally none of the wifeft: and as at the University,

where the learned pate ducks to the 'golden fool, the gentleman-ftudent is diftinguished by a cap with a gold tuft, I always confider thefe tons of folly in town as adorned with a showy cap hung with bells, which ferve as once to denote the depth of their parts, and to call their train about them,

The dialect of the Town has very expreffively characterized these humble dependants on men of fortune by the name of Hangers-on. They will, indeed, take fuch fure hold, and hang on a man fo conftantly, that it is almoft impoffible to drop them. Whenever the gentleman appears, the Hanger on is fure to be at his elbow. They will fqueeze themfelves into every party that is formed; and I have known inftances of their thrusting themselves into strange families, by fticking to their patron's fkirts, and impudently introducing themfelves where he has been invited to dinner: which, indeed, I think would not be an improper custom, provided they would fubmit to ftand behind his chair. They will stick so closely, that all the adhefive qualities of burs, pitch, &c. feem to be collected in them; and the line in Pope's Odyffey, fo often ridiculed, may rather be confidered as em"phafis than tautology in fpeaking of them. The Hanger on clings to his fool, as Ulyffes did to the rock, and in Pope's words

They STICK ADHERENT, and SUSPENDED

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The tenacioufhefs of an Hanger on is fo very strong, that whoever is drawn into their fnares, is fo firmly limed that he can hardly ever loofe himself from them. For as nothing but the lowelt meanness of spirit could ever prevail on a man to fubmit to fuch dependance on another, it is in vain to think of getting rid of fuch abject wretches by treating them with contempt. They will take as much beating, provided you will allow them an equal degree of fami liarity, as a foaniel. They will also fubmit to do any little offices, and are glad to make themfelves uteful when ever they have an opportunity. They will go among the brokers to borrow money for you, pimp for you, or submit to any other fuch gentleman-like employment to ferve their friend..

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It must here be noted, that every Hanger-on is a perfon of frict honour and a gentleman; for though his fortune is, to be fure, fomewhat inferior to your's, and he fubmits to make himfelf convenient on feveral occafions, yet on that account you are indebted to his infinite good-nature; and all his endeavours to ferve you proceed from his great regard for you. I remember one of these fr endly gentlemen, who carried his efteem fo far, that in a quarrel with his rich companion, in which he was favoured with feveral tweaks by the nofe, and kicks on the breech, he received all thefe injuries with patience, and only faid, with tears in his eyesDear Jack, I never expected this ufage from you. You know I don't mind fighting; but I fhould never have a 'moment's peace, if I was to do you the leaft injury. Come, Jack, let us bufs and be friends.' Their gentility is unquestionable; for they are feldom of any trade, though they are fometimes (being younger brothers perhaps) of a profeffion. I know one who is a nominal lawyer; but though his friend has often feed him, our Councellor could never with any propriety confider him as a client. And I know another, who (like Gibbet in the play) is called Captain, whofe elegant manner of living mult be fupported by his being on tull pay with his patron, fince he does not receive even the common foldier's groat a day from his commiffion. However, confidering at one view the gentility of their profeflion, and the shortness of their finances, I often look upon them

as a band of decayed gentlemen, the honourable penfioners of thofe they follow. The great men among the Romans had a number of thefe Hangers-on, who attended them wherever they went, and were emphatically called Umbra, or Shadows; and, indeed, this appellation conveys a very full idea of the nature of thefe humble retainers to the wealthy, fince they not only follow them like their fhadows, but like a fhadow prove the fubftance true: for whenever you obferve one or more of thefe Umbræ perpetually at the heels of any gentleman, you may fairly conclude him to be a man of fortune.

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Thefe faithful friends are fo careful of every thing that concerns you, that they always enquire with the greatest exactnels into your affairs, and know almost as well as your fteward the income of your eftate. They are alfo fo fond of your company, and so desirous of preferving your good opinion, that an Hanger on will take as much pains to keep you entirely to himself, and to prevent a rival in your affections, as a miftrefs: and as a convenient female is a very neceffary part of the equipage of a perfon of fashion, thefe male companions must be a very agreeable part of the retinue of thofe high-fpirited young gentlemen, who are fond of being the head of their company. It is only a more refined taste in expences to pay a man for laughing at your wit and indulging your humour, and who will either drink his bottle with you at the tavern, or run to the end of the town for you on an errand.

I might alfo take notice of an humbler fort of Hangers-on, who fix themfelves to no one in particular, but faften upon all their friends in their turns. Their views, indeed, are feldom extended beyond a prefent fubfiftence; and their utmoft aim perhaps is to get a dinner. For this purpose they keep a register of the hours of dining of all their acquaintance; and though they contrive to call in upon you just as you are sitting down to table, they are always with much difficulty prevailed on to take a chair. If you dine abroad, or are gone into the coun. try, they will eat with your family, to prevent their being melancholy on account of your abfence; or if your fami ly is out, they will breakfast, dine, and fup with you out of charity, because you fhould not be alone. Every houfe is

haunted

haunted with thefe difturbers of our meals: and perhaps the beft way to get rid of them, would be to put them, with the rest of your fervants, upon board

wages.,

But befides thefe danglers after men of fortune, and intruders on your table in town, the country breeds a race of lowly retainers, which may properly be ranked among the fame fpecies. Almost every family fupports a poor kinfman; who, happening to be no way related to the eftate, was too proud of his blood to apply himself in his youth to any profethion, and rather chofe to be fupported in laziness at the family-feat.

They are, indeed, known perhaps to be coufins to the fquire, but do not appear in a more creditable light than his fervants out of livery; and fometimes actually fubmit to as mean offices of drudgery as the groom or whipper-in. The whole fraternity of Hangers-on, whether in town or country, or under whatever denomination, are the fons of idienefs: for it will be found upon examination, that whenever a man, whofe bread depends on his industry, gives himself up to indolence, he becomes capable of any meannefs whatever; and if they cannot dig, yet, like our Hangers-on, to beg they are not ashamed.

N° XCVIII. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 1755.

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UT ID OSTENDEREM, QUOD TE ISTI FACILEM PUTANT,

ID NON FIERI EX VERA VITA, NEQUE ADEO EX QUO ET BONO,
SED EX ASSENTANDO, INDULGENDO, ET LARGIENDO.

WHAT SHALL WE CALL IT? FOLLY, OR GOOD-NATURE?

SO SOFT, SO SIMPLE, AND SO KIND A CREATURE!
WHERE CHARITY SO BLINDLY PLAYS IT'S PART,
IT ONLY SHEWS THE WEAKNESS OF HER HEART!

TO MR. TOWN.

Have been fome years married to one

I of the belt women in the world. She

poffeffes all the virtues that can be named: but, alas! the poffeffes fome of them to excess. Thofe which I wish to particularize, and which are infinitely pernicious to me and my fortunes, are her fuper abundant Good-nature, and her boundlefs Generofity.

It is a little difficult perhaps to afcertain what are, or ought to be, the exact bounds of Good-nature; which, of all virtues, feems to me moft neceffary to be confined, or at least initigated in fuch a manner as to hinder it from detroying it's own excellence and utility. On the one hand, if it is retrained too clofe, the world will fay, that it mult entirely lofe it's efence: but, on the other hand, fatal experience has convinced me, that if it is permitted to enjoy a full unlimited fway, this amiable viltue becomes a ridiculous vice; and brings with it, as in my wife's cafe, fruitlefs expences, ill-judged concef fions, and a kind of blind folly, that is always hable to contempt.

TER.

Generofity is the daughter of Goodnature. She is very fair and lovely, when under the tuition of Judgment and Reafon; but when the efcapes from her

rutors, and acts indifcriminately, ac

cording as her fancy allures her, the fubjects her feif, lke her mother, to fneer, ridicule, and difdain.

To illuftrate thefe affertions by fome examples from among the many mifhaps, loffes, and embarrafiments, which have accrued to us in the courfe of our domeftic affairs, give me leave to tell you, that fome years ago we had a footboy, who acted as butler, and had the custody of the little plate which our finall fortune could afford us. The fellow was aukward, and unfit for the ftation; but my wife very good-naturedly was determined to keep him in our fervice, becaute he intended to marry the nuifery-maid, and would undoubtedly make an excellent husband. The rafcal was a thief: but as it is ill-natured to fufpect people before we have full proof of their knavery, feveral of his tricks and petty larcenies were attributed to the itinerant Jews and higlers, (we then living at Newington) who frequently called at our door. At laft, however, 2 E 2

after

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