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Pan. Pray you, speak no more to me; I will leave all as I
It is too starved a subject for my sword.
Alarum. Enter ENEAS.
Ene. How now, prince Troilus ? wherefore not afield?
Ene. That Paris is returned home, and hurt.
Tro. Let Paris bleed; 'tis but a scar to scorn;
Ene. Hark! what good sport is out of town to-day!
SCENE II-The same. A Street.
Cres. Who were those went by?
Cres. What was his cause of anger?
Alex. The noise goes, this: There is among the Greeks
Cres. Good; And what of him?
Alex. They say he is a very man per se, And stands alone.
Cres. So do all men; unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.
Alex. This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their paricular additions; he is as valiant as the lion, churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant: a man into whom nature hath so crowded humours, that his valour is crushed into folly, his folly sauced with discretion: there is no man hath a virtue that he hath not a glimpse of; nor any man an attaint, but he carries some stain of it: he is melancholy without cause, and merry against the hair: He hath the joints of everything, but everything so out of joint, that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use; or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight.
Cres. But how should this man, that makes me smile, make Hector angry?
Alex. They say, he yesterday coped Hector in the battle, and struck him down; the disdain and shame whereof hath ever since kept Hector fasting and waking.
Cres. Who comes here ?
Cres. Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.
Pan. Good morrow, cousin Cressid: What do you talk of ?Good morrow, Alexander.-How do you, cousin? When were you at Ilium ?
Cres. This morning, uncle.
Pan. What were you talking of, when I came ? Was Hector armed, and gone, ere ye came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she?
Cres. Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.
Cres. That were we talking of, and of his anger.
Cres. So he says here.
Pan. True, he was so; I know the cause too; he'll lay about him to-day, I can tell them that: and there is Troilus will not come far behind him; let them take heed of Troilus; I can tell them that too.
Cres. What, is he angry too?
Pan. Who, Troilus ? Troilus is the better man of the two. Cres. O, Jupiter! there's no comparison.
Pan. What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a man if you see him?
Cres. Ay; if ever I saw him before, and knew him.
Cres. Then you say as I say; for, I am sure, he is not Hector.
Pan. Himself? Alas, poor Troilus! I would, he were,-
Pan. Condition, I had gone barefoot to India.
Pan. Himself? no, he's not himself. Would 'a were himself! Well, the gods are above; Time must friend, or end: Well, Troilus, well,-I would my heart were in her body! No, Hector is not a better man than Troilus.
Cres. Excuse me.
Pan. He is elder.
Cres. Pardon me, pardon me.
Pan. The other's not come to't; you shall tell me another tale, when the other's come to't. Hector shall not have his wit this year.
Cres. He shall not need it, if he have his own.
Pan. Nor his qualities;-
Pan. Nor his beauty.
Cres. Twould not become him, his own's better.
Pan. You have no judgment, niece: Helen herself swore the other day, that Troilus, for a brown favour (for so 'tis, I must confess),-Not brown neither.
Cres. No, but brown.
Pan. 'Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.
Pan. She praised his complexion above Paris.
Cres. Then, Troilus should have too much: if she praised him above, his complexion is higher than his; he having colour enough, and the other higher, is too flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as lief, Helen's golden tongue had commended Troilus for a copper nose.
Pan. I swear to you, I think, Helen loves him better than Paris. Cres. Then she's a merry Greek, indeed.
Pan. Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him the other day into a compassed window, and, you know, he has not past three or four hairs on his chin.
Cres. Indeed, a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his particulars therein to a total.
Pan. Why, he is very young: and yet will he, within three pound, lift as much as his brother Hector.
Cres. Is he so young a man, and so old a lifter ?+
Pan. But, to prove to you that Helen loves him; she came, and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin,
Cres. Juno have mercy!-How came it cloven ?
Pan. Why, you know, 'tis dimpled: I think, his smiling becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia. Cres. O, he smiles valiantly.
Pan. Does he not?
Cres. O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn.
Pan. Why, go to then-But to prove to you that Helen loves Troilus,
Cres. Troilus will stand to the proof, if you'll prove it so. Pan. Troilus? why, he esteems her no more than I esteem an addle egg
Cres. If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle head, you would eat chickens i' the shell.
Pan. I cannot choose but laugh, to think how she tickled his chin;-Indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I must needs confess.
Cres. Without the rack.
Pan. And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin. Cres. Alas, poor chin! many a wart is richer.
Pan. But, there was such laughing;-Queen Hecuba laughed, that her eyes ran o'er.
Cres. With mill-stones.*
Pan. And Cassandra laughed.
Cres. But there was a more temperate fire under the pot of her eyes;-Did her eyes run o'er too?
Pan. And Hector laughed.
Cres. At what was all this laughing?
Pan. Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus' chin. Cres. An't had been a green hair, I should have laughed too. Pan. They laughed not so much at the hair, as at his pretty
Cres. What was his answer?
Pan. Quoth she, Here's but one and fifty hairs on your chin, and one of them is white.
Cres. This is her question.
Pan. That's true; make no question of that. One and fifty hairs, quoth he, and one white: That white hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons. Jupiter! quoth she, which of these hairs is Paris my husband? The forked one, quoth he; pluck it out and give it him. But, there was such laughing! and Helen so blushed, and Paris so chafed, and all the rest so laughed, that it passed. t
Cres. So let it now; for it has been a great while going by. Pan. Well, cousin, I told you a thing yesterday; think on't. Cres. So I do.
Pan. I'll be sworn, 'tis true; he will weep you, an 'twere ‡ a man born in April.
Cres. And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle against May. [A retreat sounded. Pan. Hark, they are coming from the field: Shall we stand up here, and see them, as they pass toward Ilium? good niece, do; Sweet niece Cressida.
* A proverbial saying.
+ Went beyond bounds.
t As if 'twere.
Cres. At your pleasure..
Pan. Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we may see most bravely: I'll tell you them all by their names, as they pass by; but mark Troilus above the rest.
ENEAS passes over the stage.
Cres. Speak not so loud.
Pan. That's Eneas; Is not that a brave man ? he's one of the flowers of Troy, I can tell you. But mark Troilus; you shall see
Cres. Who's that?
ANTENOR passes over.
Pan. That's Antenor; he has a shrewd wit, I can tell you; and he's a man good enough; he's one o' the soundest judgments in Troy, whosoever, and a proper man of person:- When comes Troilus ?-I'll show you Troilus anon; if he see me, you shall see him nod at me.
Cres. Will he give you the nod ?
Pan. You shall see.
Cres. If he do, the rich shall have more.
HECTOR passes over.
Pan. That's Hector, that, that, look you, that; There's a fellow! -Go thy way, Hector;-There's a brave man, niece.-O brave Hector!-Look, how he looks! there's a countenance: Is't not a brave man?
Cres. O, a brave man!
Pan. Is'a not? It does a man's heart good-Look you what hacks are on his helmet? look you yonder, do you see? look you there! There's no jesting: there's laying on; take't off who will, as they say: there be hacks!
Cres. Be those with swords?
Pan. Swords? anything, he cares not: an the devil come to him, it's all one: By god's lid, it does one's heart good:-Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris: look ye yonder, niece.
PARIS passes over.
Pan. Is't not a gallant man too, is't not?-Why, this is brave now. Who said, he came hurt home to-day? he's not hurt: why this will do Helen's heart good now. Ha! would I could see Troilus now!-you shall see Troilus anon.
Cres. Who's that?
HELENUS passes over.
Pan. That's Helenus,-I marvel, where Troilus is:-That's Helenus; I think he went not forth to-day-That's Helenus. Cres. Can Helenus fight, uncle?
Pan. Helenus? no;-yes, he'll fight indifferent well:-I marvel, where Troilus is!-Hark ;-do you not hear the people cry, Troilus ?-Helenus is a priest.
Cres. What sneaking fellow comes yonder?