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Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.—
Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate?
SCENE I.-The same.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR.
Ant. E. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all.
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know:
I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
Ant. E. O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
Bal. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.
Bal. Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast. Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But, soft; my door is lock'd: go bid them let us in.
Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Jen! Dro. S. [within.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!
Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch: Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store,
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door. Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on 's feet.
Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door. Dro. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when an you'll tell me wherefore.
Ant. E. Wherefore! for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.
Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again when
Ant. E. What art thou that keep'st me out from the house I owe?
Dro. S. The porter for this time, sir, and my name is
[my name; Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
Thou wouldst have chang'd thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass.
Luce. [within.] What a coil is there! Dromio, who are those at the gate?
Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce.
And so tell your master.
Faith no; he comes too late;
O Lord, I must laugh;—
Have at you with a proverb.-Shall I set in my staff? Luce. Have at you with another: that's,-When? can you tell?
Dro. S. If thy name be called Luce,-Luce, thou hast
answer'd him well.
Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope? Luce. I thought to have ask'd you.
And you said no.
Dro. E. So, come, help: well struck; there was blow for
Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in.
Can you tell for whose sake?
Let him knock till it ache.
Dro. E. Master, knock the door hard.
Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door
Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? Adr. [within.] Who is that at the door, that keeps all this noise?
Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
Ant. E. Are you there, wife? you might have come before. Adr. Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the door. Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave would go
Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either.
Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.
Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
Dro. E. You would say so, master, if your garments
Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold: It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold. Ant. E. Go, fetch me something, I'll break ope the gate. Dro. S. Break any breaking here, and I'll break your knave's pate.
Dro. E. A man may break a word with you, sir; and words are but wind;
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind. Dro. S. It seems thou wantest breaking; out upon thee,
Dro. E. Here's too much out upon thee: I pray thee, let me in.
Dro. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.
Ant. E. Well, I'll break in; go borrow me a crow.
Dro. E. A crow without a feather; master, mean you so?
For a fish without a fin there's a fowl without a feather:
Once this, your long experience of her wisdom,
Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner:
For ever hous'd where it once gets possession.
Ant. E. You have prevail'd. I will depart in quiet, And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle;—
For there's the house; that chain will I bestow,-
SCENE II.-The same.
Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then, for her wealth's sake, use her with more kindness:
Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;
Muffle your false love with some show of blindness:
Let not my sister read it in your eye;
Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
Bear a fair presence though your heart be tainted;
Being compact of credit, that you love us:
Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife :
"Tis holy sport to be a little vain
When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
Ant. S. Sweet mistress,-what your name is else, I know Nor by what wonder do you hit on mine,
Less, in your knowledge and your grace, you show not
Than our earth's wonder; more than earth divine.
Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
Are you a god? would you create me new?
But if that I ani I, then well I know
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,