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Will lose his beauty; and though gold 'bides still
SCENE II.-The same.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
Ant. S. The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
I could not speak with Dromio since at first
How now, sir! is your merry humour alter'd?
Dro. S. What answer, sir? when spake I such a word? Ant. S. Even now, even here, not half-an-hour since. Dro. S. I did not see you since you sent me hence, Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me. Ant. S. Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt; And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner; For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeas'd. Dro. S. I am glad to see you in this merry vein: What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me. Ant. S. Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth? Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that. [Beating him.
Dro. S. Hold, sir, for God's sake: now your jest is
Upon what bargain do you give it me?
Ant. S. Because that I familiarly sometimes
Do use you for my fool, and chat with you,
And make a common of my serious hours.
When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
Dro. S. Sconce, call you it? so you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head: an you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, and ensconce it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders.-But, I pray sir, why am I beaten?
Ant. S. Dost thou not know?
Dro. S. Nothing, sir; but that I am beaten.
Ant. S. Shall I tell you why?
Dro. S. Ay, sir, and wherefore; for, they say, every why hath a wherefore,—
Ant. S. Why, first, for flouting me; and then, wherefore, For urging it the second time to me.
Dro. S. Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme nor reason?
Well, sir, I thank you.
Ant. S. Thank me, sir! for what?
Dro. S. Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
Ant. S. I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something.-But say, sir, is it dinner-time?
Dro. S. No, sir; I think the meat wants that I have.
Ant. S. In good time, sir, what's that?
Dro. S. Basting.
Ant. S. Well, sir, then 'twill be dry.
Dro. S. If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it.
Ant. S. Your reason?
Dro. S. Lest it make you choleric, and purchase me another dry basting.
Ant. S. Well, sir, learn to jest in good time:
There's a time for all things.
Dro. S. I durst have denied that before you were so choleric.
Ant. S. By what rule, sir?
Dro. S. Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of Father Time himself.
Ant. S. Let's hear it.
Dro. S. There's no time for a man to recover his hair, that grows bald by nature.
Ant. S. May he not do it by fine and recovery?
Dro. S. Yes, to pay a fine for a peruke, and recover the lost hair of another man.
Ant. S. Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
Dro. S. Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts: and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit.
Ant. S. Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.
Dro. S. Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
Ant. S. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
Dro. S. The plainer dealer the sooner lost: yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.
Ant. S. For what reason?
Dro. S. For two; and sound ones too.
Dro. S. Sure ones, then,
Ant. S. Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.
Dro. S. Certain ones, then.
Ant. S. Name them.
Dro. S. The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.
Ant. S. You would all this time have proved there is no time for all things.
Dro. S. Marry, and did, sir; namely, no time to recover hair lost by nature.
Ant. S. But your reason was not substantial why there is no time to recover.
Dro. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and, therefore, to the world's end will have bald followers. Ant. S. I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion:
But, soft! who wafts us yonder?
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
Adr. Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown; Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects:
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
The time was, once, when thou unurg'd wouldst vow
That never object pleasing in thine eye,
Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
Am better than thy dear self's better part.
As take from me thyself, and not me too.
I know thou canst; and, therefore, see thou do it.
My blood is mingled with the crime of lust:
Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed;
In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
I know you not:
As strange unto your town as to your talk;
Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,
Luc. Fie, brother! how the world is chang'd with
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
Ant. S. By Dromio?
Dro. S. By me?
Adr. By thee; and this thou didst return from him,That he did buffet thee, and in his blows
Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
Ant. S. Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?
What is the course and drift of your compact?
Dro. S. I, sir? I never saw her till this time.
Ant. S. Villain, thou liest; for even her very words
Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
Dro. S. I never spake with her in all my life.
Ant. S. How can she thus, then, call us by our names, Unless it be by inspiration?
Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity
Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion.
Ant. S. To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme:
What, was I married to her in my dream?
I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.
Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
We talk with goblins, owls, and elvish sprites;
They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.
No, I am an ape.
Luc. If thou art chang'd to aught, 'tis to an ass.
Dro. S. 'Tis true; she rides me, and I long for grass.
"Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be
But I should know her as well as she knows me.
Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, To put the finger in the eye and weep,
Whilst man and master laugh my woes to scorn.-